The first part of this blog post is from my Facebook…
I am going to be talking about this, blogging about this.
As my 2015 Solar Return year winds down – and I consider dating again – everything I’ve learned up to this point… about Venus square Saturn… about Moon conjunct Pluto (two natal aspects that I have) about VALUES and self worth, self esteem, about friendship…
Howard Sasportas was right and it sounds corny to say – but the most important Venus issue is self-worth.
Does your behavior match how you say you feel about yourself? Know thyself. If you feel shitty, know it! If you feel grand, know that too! Find the truth!
And it’s something you feel – that you feel SELF-POSSESSED and will not let yourself down, will not betray yourself, your values…
It’s okay to say no – to a date, to an offer, to sex.
It’s okay for someone to like you and you don’t have to DO anything.
And it’s also okay to say YES – if you want to.
Yesterday was talking to a client and – I had had a similar experience to her – the yo-yo thing.
Guy shows up. Love bombs, promises, seduces. And disappears.
Her yo-yo experience is lasting longer than mine. She has more time in yo-yo hell.
But she WILL get past it. She will. It wasn’t an overly obsessive chart but with Virgo Rising she’s got Pluto transiting her 5th (obsessive, intense).
But I felt confident she would find love again – just not with this dude.
It’s okay to want more. It’s okay to want someone who treats you nicely and with care!
Don’t you deserve to be treated with care? See? That’s self-worth! And also recognizing the difference between caring and the lack of it… sometimes we cannot see this, especially those of us with Neptune charts! We see the POTENTIAL. How they may be at some time in the future. Well, my dears, the time is NOW. Interaction is NOW — not in some fantasy future.
So much was happening in my yo-yo experience. It was a complex time in my life. I really wasn’t ready to be with anyone and I wasn’t looking but he came on strong and we got to talking and eventually we met. I’ll say we “dated” but that isn’t quite the right word. We Eight Housed it. And I don’t just mean the physical.
After we moved past some difficult moments I thought we were in the clear. BUT THEN a behavior of his made me angry (I won’t specify here) and I told him so. Indelicately. Assertively. I felt hurt. I asked various male friends: would you do such and such? Everyone agreed he did not behave well. So I said my piece.
You can guess what that did…. he backed off.
I felt bereft — here I was feeling like I was NOT being treated with care, getting angry about it, and then regretting my actions even though I believe it was my self-worth that was standing up for me. I wish I had just let it go then and there. But I didn’t. I kept trying to figure it out. Kept feeling badly. Kept tying myself up in knots. Kept drawing Tarot cards. Kept hoping. Kept looking for hope. The connection felt like once in a life time and then… poof.
As the months passed I got to know him better in this estranged state from texts here and there. I saw parts of his personality that I didn’t like at all. Began to see him clearly. Shallowness. Meanness. Lies. All of that was shadowy until it wasn’t anymore.
Something I realized last night. I could do it now. I can date NOW. I couldn’t last year. Anything I tried would have failed unless that person had a maturity and patience far beyond mine (rare). And perhaps not even then. I had to this (the realizations and inner changes) on my own. But this grueling yo yo experience help CREATE the calm I feel now and the potential I feel now. I made it through the wilderness. And if I choose to be with someone again – it will be unlike anything that came before.
I honestly believe that if I had not been emotionally raked across coals with that one? I wouldn’t be who I am now – in regards to matters of the heart.
And I’d been searching for the meaning of this brief intense passionate once in a lifetime THING for almost a full year. Grateful to have found it. The meaning.
We walk through the Eight House and we come to the Ninth and we make meaning there – of what we do in the dark.
It happens. It happens more and more due to the internet and internet dating. This is what the Saturn Neptune square is for – REALITY. Take that illusion and smash it against the rocks.
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