Help For The Moon Pluto People Whose Mothers Wished They Were Dead (a little light reading)

If you have a HARD Moon Pluto aspect in your chart, then your mother had a problem. 

Here’s one scenario. Let’s dive right in:

"moon opposition pluto"

Our mothers wanted to kill us.  Hi Moon (mother) Pluto (death).

Or it may have been more passive — them wishing we’d never been born or wishing we would “just disappear” (and then feeling guilty, and guilt that remains in the shadow and does not become surface consciousness can breed some ugly monsters, like projection, projection onto the child).

When a person doesn’t admit the full range of human emotion, that’s when the problems start. The problem isn’t the FEELING as much as denying the feeling.

So it’s likely subconscious on their part. But WE feel. We see it. We feel it. It’s too taboo for her to feel. And add this on to whatever other problems there were, her childhood, her marriage, her life situation, the stresses of motherhood, etc. Not that I’m making excuses for the evils that *some* parents do. Because I don’t make excuses.

If a mother doesn’t want her child, if a mother abandons or neglects or abuses her child (emotionally physically sexually), has bad boundaries with her child, all of this of course goes against the Ideal Mother idea, which she also has in her head. We all do. So it stays in the shadow space and gets projected onto the poor kid who was born into it. Innocent.

And this is one reason why I love astrology. Because we have the star language to discuss it.

"moon square pluto"

If you have a Moon Pluto hard aspect, there were times when your mother wished that you were never born or she treated you that way, with such discard. Maybe she wanted an abortion or a miscarriage and didn’t have one, wasn’t able.

She projected her violent self loathing onto you and you as a child absorbed this. You had no choice. It was your womb. And you either turn it against yourself or others, in some way, somehow.


as a grown-up you can be free of her projected violent self-loathing. It fact, you have to become a PERSON not a projection. To be happy. Become a SELF. This is what healing is.

This may be hard for you to imagine if you had a healthy mother most of the time. You can’t imagine what it is for the caregiver to abandon or neglect or abuse. You haven’t known it.

You may also have  a Moon Pluto hard aspect and not see yourself in this but you likely will, eventually. Some part of this blog post description will ring in your ears if you remember it.

So how does one heal? This is the most important question of all and I drew the Hanged Man for us. 

First, there has to be a period of full acceptance of what was. Without ANY self-blame. Full acceptance of what the REALITY was. No excuses. Full reality. Holding her accountable. For what was. Clearly, fully.

As Marsha Linehan wrote: acceptance of reality is not the same as judging it good.

So this means no Neptune, no clouds, no excuses. Of course it may have been good some of the time and bad some of the time and neutral some of the time but some bad is REALLY REALLY BAD and it’s important not to curtain it off, section it off, into some shadow brain space.

I believe that if you don’t see things for how they were or are, to the best of your ability, you cannot truly heal or be healthy. For example, if your mother was psychotic, you can’t pretend she wasn’t. Labels can be helpful in this way. Name the behaviors. Behaviors are not that hard to identity and name. Does it take courage? Yeah, it does.

Because also if you try to discuss such things with “friends” or family members, they probably don’t want to go there unless they too are a Moon Pluto person who has come to consciousness.

Reality is the only way out of hell and Moon Pluto children were born into the mother’s hell.

"moon opposition pluto"

Most important: it’s not your fault. It wasn’t your fault. But you do not have to continue living as a projection of your mother’s violent self-loathing.

You can find YOU.


This happens all the time — there are people who live their lives and we interact with them, but they are projections not actual “people.” Know what I mean?

There is hope but hope comes with the price. If you start on this process, you will feel heartbroken for a good long while. I can promise you that. But eventually you will learn to  live side by side with this heartbreak. Not that it makes the past okay but that you co-exist and THEN you can love and be happy and healthy in all the ways you dream of.

Much love my dears

16 thoughts on “Help For The Moon Pluto People Whose Mothers Wished They Were Dead (a little light reading)”

  1. That’s interesting, thank you.

    I have a Venus Pluto Moon conjunction in Virgo. My mother is critical of me but often copies what I do (she has taken up my hobbies) and believes we are similar. She absented herself emotionally (preoccupied in caring for foster children) when I was a child, and absented herself from my child (again doing charity work with children). She has wanted me to be her friend but not been a friend in return and has acted, at times, as if she is the child and I the parent, behaving in a demanding and entitled way towards me.

    It has taken me decades and I’m not sure I’ve fully come to terms with her, I keep all contact to short phone calls or brief meetings with another member of the family present, now. She is certainly a narcissistic and I’d say possibly has borderline personality disorder. I think that she does want to care about me but she doesn’t have the emotional literacy to be able to form good relationships.

  2. Goodness! I saw the chatter on Fb about this post so I thought I should read. I have this non-enviable square in my chart. Your post very much describes my mother and our troubled relationship. She was cruel, uninterested and cold. As an adult, I cut off contact with her many times. We’re in touch now, but I don’t like her and I never will. It used to make me sad, but I’ve invested my emotional energy in my own kids now. After I read this post, I pulled up their charts to make sure they don’t have the moon/Pluto square. I’m happy to say none of them do. Like you Aliza, one has the M/P conjunction. : ) Hope you’re well

  3. Hi MP! I think you know me by now and that I have Moon/Pluto conj in Virgo. My mother WAS always very critical of me, but also tried to build me up equally (confusing!). Her Venus was in Virgo as well and her Moon in Scorpio in my 12th. We had a very tempestuous relationsip at times and at other times felt like we were best friends but only occasionally as if she were my mother. She was harsh on me many times to the point it traumatized me but I learned as I got older why. She had lost her mother at an early age and felt guilty for her passing. Thanks for sharing this with us MP! xo

  4. Have to say with Moon Trine Pluto this hit the mark. Like you stated, people don’t like hearing the truth!

  5. Thank you for writing this. I believe I am starting to get free but as you say, a very hard and heartbreaking passage is involved.

  6. Hoo boy! Yep, this is me. And while I’ve known for a long time how toxic my mother (and whole fam damily) is, it wasn’t until my body crashed in December, and I started reading about narcissists. And the door really opened. They are (and were) all textbook narcissist abusers in one form or another.
    Now I understand – they knew damn well what they were doing, and no, they are NEVER going to change.
    So incredibly hard to comprehend people could deliberately be so evil, but it freed me.
    And no, people don’t want to hear it. I get it – it’s still hard for me to comprehend.
    But it’s exactly what it is.
    And because I know this now, I am free to walk away.

  7. I replied but don’t know if my response disappeared. Pluto on IC would certainly cause family troubles one way or another. And if you relate to the post, you relate to the post…… xoxo

  8. Well, if the blog post speaks to you, it speaks to you, virgomoon. Pluto on the IC for family troubles of one variety or another: YES

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