More often than not, I don’t understand my own nature. I’m scared all the time *and* I do things that scare me ALL the time.
And there’s lots of stuff that doesn’t scare me in the slightest and I do those things too.
But it’s the fear stuff that fascinates me.
Like, back in August, I enrolled in school. I was scared. And there were lots of details, hoops to jump through, transcripts, Covid stuff, Zoom stuff, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines. I was scared. And then I went to class and that was scary too. And having to deal with all those people, strangers. Very very scary. Teachers, students, reading, writing papers, more reading, talking in class, understanding the bureaucratic idiosyncrasies. That, too, was scary. And other stuff. And when it came time to co-present an oral presentation I was about 30 seconds in when the teacher said, out loud, in front of God and everyone: “I disagree.”
That was pretty fucking scary. I had made, maybe, three points. This presentation which I had spent hours and hours on, reading and reading and more reading until I felt I got it. I got it. Until it was brought to my attention that I didn’t.
Why am I telling you these stories? I started studying psychoanalysis under Mars direct in Gemini and Jupiter in Aries and Jupiter returns to Aries next week and Mars goes direct next month.
We’re about to be fearless again. Get ready.
And here’s a big big hug to all the terrified fearless people out there reading this who do what they have to do because they have no other choice.
To be continued