It’s been three weeks. It’ll be three weeks tomorrow: the anniversary of the last time I spoke to The Good Doctor, and the weeks leading up to the last time we spoke were excruciating, and the therapy itself (nearly a year’s worth) was excruciating, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say this man indelicately and most definitely took a bite out of my anxiety and trauma by which I mean: I’m a different animal now. It changed my life. He changed my life. We changed my life. For the better. I had had therapy before. Off and on. Although I hadn’t had it for a long time. And this therapy? It changed my brain. He got in there. I let him in there.
And this morning I was on the subway, and I was thinking to myself: oh so that’s how it feels to get close to me. What he felt whilst treating me is how it feels to get close to me. And then I thought no: that’s not it at all. How he felt was how it felt to walk around in my trauma. Two different things.
And now I see differently. I don’t do my readings differently, but I see differently. I was saying this somewhere the other day. Maybe on a livestream or the podcast. The Good Doctor could, would, focus on a word. A single word. Not even a phrase. A single goddamn motherfucking word for a really goddamn long motherfucking time, and he would take that word and he would take me with him into that word. Down down down. He went into my world, yeah, and I also went into his, probably in ways that I’ll never know.
So. Why am I telling you this story, another therapy story (and there will be more). Because we have a Mars Chiron conjunction this week. In ARIES the Warrior. And you might be passionate (Mars) about your healing (Chiron). And you might be angry (Mars) about your woundedness (Chiron). And you might be hunting (Mars/Aries) for something or someone that will help your pain (Chiron). And you are tired of the wound (Chiron) that keeps on bleeding (Mars).
When Christ came back from the dead, he came back with his wounds. I learned this yesterday. It moved me. He didn’t come back pristine. He came back with damage. I said this to my doctor once. I said I was damaged. He said: no, you were harmed. It made me so mad. I’m a writer and I’m a feeler and I wanted to use my words and if I say I’m damaged then I’m damaged. That’s it. Don’t take that from me.
Then today, on the train, again, I remembered this conversation. I remembered what he said and I remembered my anger. I remembered how attached I was to my version of things, but when I remembered it today I wasn’t thinking: oh he’s right and I’m wrong or he’s wrong and I’m right. I wasn’t thinking in those terms at all. I was just a girl, on a train, remembering.
So. What to do about Mars Chiron? My only guidance for this transit, at this time, right now, is not to bleed out. Can you do that for me? Can you not bleed out? Transits finish. Transits end. Mars will link up with Chiron, yes, but then he will continue on around the wheel through the rest of Aries.
Let Mars carry you. How about that? Try that. Mercury is in Gemini now. We can move faster. You don’t have to stop and stare at the accident. You don’t have to fall. You don’t have to cut. You don’t have to starve yourself. What you have to do, and be, is the Mars that protects. Protect your Chiron. Keep it safe from harm.