Tired and I need to take a nap before Kol Nidre but I’ve got a lot on my mind and waiting for some food to be delivered.
What’s on my mind is judgment! No surprise that it’s Erev Yom Kippur (to have judgement on my mind). What’s making me extra tired though is being judged by friends/acquaintances for being a Tarot reader and it’s too easy/simple to say f–k you to those people even if I am saying it (quietly to myself).
And there’s another person on my mind as well who I am tired of teaching i.e. it’s not my job to teach her to be on time or to work out her technical difficulties in advance of an appointment. But it’s here. It happens. Humans are obnoxious. The key is that I can choose which humans I want in my life and who has to go and this hurts. It’s a messy, bloody process. I give people chances oh yes I do and then I have to make a decision and I’m making a number of them today and Mercury is direct and we have a Full Moon in Aries this weekend so it’s perfect timing. Release. Remove.
What also bothers me is that refusing any longer to tolerate bad behavior is seen as a failing of mine. It’s not. So, again, one must choose. I must choose. And choose I am — even it means some short term hurt and alienation.
What does this have to do with the sky besides Mercury direct making things clear and a releasing/clearing Full Moon this weekend?
I don’t know. I don’t know if there’s more sky stuff to relate it to. Maybe Saturn going direct this month. Maybe Pluto going direct this weekend. Maybe just a reminder, for anyone who needs to hear it, that it’s better to be around people who, well, treat you well, as opposed to those who think your work is the work of the devil (as if!) or whose motivations are so unconscious that they can’t see that *they* don’t actually want you around so they push you out. I don’t have time or energy for either. WAKE. UP.
I’m writing to you on Erev Yom Kippur making mental notes and an actual list of what to put into the morphogenic field of my mind. It started off as a short list and it’s getting longer and it includes, as I mentioned on my Facebook, new Shabbos friends.
In the time of the Shoah, in the time of the pogroms, in the time of today, I would be murdered for being a Jew, no matter my “devil worshipping” Tarot cards and/or my spotty Shabbos observance. I would be killed just the same. As the completely secular Jew would be as the completely halachic Jew would be. We are the same. Same body, same soul.
The last thing I wanted to have today was a kvetchy, crabby day (or blog post) although it matches the rainy gloomy weather outside and here we are. Nothing a good nap won’t solve but the interpersonal issues are more thorny and yet clear. I know there are relationships in my life which are limiting and I know I have relationships which are nourishing and inspire growth. I am choosing the latter this Erev Yom Kippur. It’s not about forgiveness or repenting or judgement. It’s about.. self-respect. Not really a Yom Kippur theme but when have I ever followed the rules just so? Not so often.
That’s all for now. To book a Reading, email me and visit my Readings page. I’ll be back to scheduling people on Thursday.