The things we are trying to fix happened so long ago. Structures formed. Things we remember. Things we don’t. Sometimes we think we’ve got it figured out. XYZ happened and that’s why XYZ today. But there’s a lot we don’t know. Maturation happens despite… problems along the way.
If you were to ask me what happened when I was one year old, I couldn’t tell you and my mother is dead so she can’t tell you. But, obviously, I carry it as you, too, carry all your years, your experience, your understanding, your formation. It’s funny. I read this paper yesterday for school and in the case study, the writer was describing the exact personality type that I can’t stand and I thought to myself okay so that’s how that happens because I hate those people. I thought of how not in every class but in many of classes I see them. It’s always the same.
In other news, I live across the street from a huge hole. It’s a construction site. A building is going up. It will take a while. And the hole keeps getting bigger and wider. This is literal but we can see it’s a symbol and not just my symbol. A row of houses is a boundary line. The sidewalk is another boundary line. The building to the right, from where I’m sitting right now, also a boundary line. How that apartment on the first floor got sold is beyond me. The noise, the dust and the hole just keeps getting deeper and wider. Will the building ever go up or… are they just digging?
Although I deleted years of posts last year from this blog, I’ve been blogging here since 2011. And I was thinking to myself: this is the wreckage. This is the wreckage but also… and I couldn’t find the right word but I mean to say the thing that I’ve created.
Will the building ever go up or are you just digging? My shaman friend says when you’re in a hole, stop digging. That’s my advice for Libra Season.
There came a time when I was so frustrated as a poet and a playwright, the endless rejections. People weren’t seeing my work. They just couldn’t see it. I had more success with theatre than poetry, but I would always hit a wall (years of rejection) and I had fallen in love with astrology and this was the early days of blogs and one day I decided that that was what I would do: stop writing poems and plays (i.e. stop the frustration, wall hitting) and just blog and see if it would draw clients to me and it did. See if I could make my living from it and I did.
So I’m looking back on over a decade of wreckage and creation and… we have two eclipses next month. That’s really what I want to say here. Two eclipses. Next month.
To be continued…