The Replacements: Advanced Class In Trauma (On Doing A Friday Night Celtic Cross)

When you keep trying to replace the things that you’ve lost – as though you could replace what really mattered – a home, a person.

I drew the Queen of Swords for that thought, about the replacements. How appropriate. Drew her after doing a Celtic Cross. Ace of Cups crossed by the Tower. Lots of Pentacles in this spread, ending with the Knight of Pentacles as the outcome. And I am the Queen of Pentacles here, card number seven. Always pay close attention to card number seven. That is you.

Some say there are no bad cards in Tarot but for sure there are cards we’d rather not see. In this spread, the Tower puzzles me more than freaks me out. And the Ten of Swords is safely in the past.

But tonight I am tired of this story. “This story” meaning the various ones I’m in. And seeing the Chariot and a Knight (any Knight) in the same spread just makes me tired. I’d like to land and root.

If this were a play, if this were a monologue, I’d change up the action right about now. After that line about landing and rooting. Shift the mood. Or maybe go deeper in. Truth is my housemate knocked on my door, my Rebbetzin, and it was time for Shabbat dinner so I left my unfinished blog post alone for a couple hours. Best part of the evening besides the homemade apple pie and her telling a story from the Mahabarata, was the very structure of the Shabbat ritual itself. See, I was in a mood. The Moon in Libra was conjoining my Jupiter and squaring my Cancer stellium and I felt afflicted by memories of the recent past. A man I loved. Books I left behind. An entire city. So much water in the sky now. Sun in Pisces. Sun and Neptune conjoining. Mars in Scorpio in the late degrees. Tomorrow the Moon enters Scorpio. We will drown if we do not find land, if we do not root.

And I don’t want to drown. And I don’t want you to drown. Let’s not drown, okay?

The boots can’t replace a person or a hope or a home, but they will keep the feet warm and get us from here to there. I know it doesn’t feel like enough but it’ll have to do for now.