On Mothers, Mothering, & Pisces Season

In some ways I’ve become my mother.
I feel her face in my face. Her expressions. I’ve outlived her. I might be off by a few months. Her yartzeit is next month. She died during a leap year, a year when there were two Adars (Adar is the Hebrew month). I’ve outlived her. I think I just want to type that over and over. I’ve outlived her I’ve outlived her I’ve outlived her. So now what? I’ve outlived her. There is no answer to that question.

Sun in Pisces, Mercury in Pisces, Saturn in Pisces. A mega conjunction, a stellium, this Wednesday. Neptune in Pisces too. Saturn is a mentor. Saturn is a mother.

But there are other losses on my mind. That sentence made me laugh out loud because after mother-loss what else can there possibly be? I remember my astrology teacher saying “Neptune dissolves.” My Pisces clients are the most silent. Don’t be surprised at your loss-ruminations this Pisces Season, but Saturn might contain it.

My head is in the Florida days since writing about Flaco on the Substack because that’s where I heard my first owl and I’m thinking about the friends who are no longer friends. Part of me wants to name them all. This is such a Pisces/Neptune post. Cancer is a very grieve-y sign. We’re loud. Pisces is more, well, stoned.

Like always, I want to give some advice for this. For the losses, for the lost-ness. Lucky for us I’ve got a deck right here. If you find yourself lost in space, motherless, ruminating, Neptune-ing. There are so many flowers (my guides are saying). Don’t let a few dead ones get you down. There’s another flower, over there, over there, over there.

Two of Swords. That’s your advice for Pisces Season. Hmm. Protection. But what I feel even more is: don’t look. If you see something/someone you don’t like? Don’t look. It’s okay not to look, not to see. Let it blur. Those swords look heavy but she doesn’t appear to be struggling. Somewhere there’s a girl, sitting by the water on a stone bench under the moon. Calm water, still water. It’s easier than you think to be free. But you have to go Neptune and transcend. You can do it!

To be continued