It’s shocking to me to look in the mirror and see my maternal grandmother’s face staring back at me. I think this is her nose. Is this her nose? Please, Bubby, come take it back, retrieve it. It doesn’t quite fit my face.
Thus goes my morning panic which has been the panic du jour of late. What transit is this? The transits of life, the transits of death, the transits of aging. My book, the one I can’t seem to find an agent for YET, is about aging, among other things. Topics on my mind today: Aging gracefully, aging un-gracefully, plastic surgery, perimenopause, menopause, post menopause, vagina vagina vagina. Why must we age gracefully at all? Why can’t we age with rage and wickedness? I was young when I wrote that book, I think to myself., although it wasn’t that long ago. I looked different then, I think to myself. Everything falls. Everything dies.
Yes this is an astrology blog. Yes I do astrology and tarot readings for a living. Still. Yes I am wise. But I am also un-wise and a person and I am aging and I have looked in the mirror and, I suppose, am living to tell about it. Here I am.
What does this have to do with today’s sky or tomorrow’s sky or next weeks’ sky? This weekend’s Mercury Uranus conjunction (and it’s only Tuesday as I type here) has news for you. Mercury is the news. Uranus is shocking. Will you like this news? I don’t know. But it’s news nonetheless.
Mercury Uranus might be a really good idea. It might not be the end of the world. It might be the thought you need to think. It might not be your worst nightmare. It might be a flash of insight. It might not be fear of Bubby’s face. It might be hope for you. It might not be the end of the world. It might be you, a superhero, ageless, timeless, shooting across the sky. It is a lot to bear. LIFE is a lot to bear. Whatever you’re going through: maybe you can respect it? Try? I’ve got three planets in Cancer and I will never try to talk you out of your feelings. Your feelings are holy.
I think to myself: maybe I’ll shave my head. And I think to myself: what are the hair transits? And I think to myself: how do I do this? And I think to myself: people are going to give me unsolicited advice (and other assorted stupid shit) and it doesn’t annoy me like it used to. I think to myself: what next? I think to myself: I have outlived my father and before long will outlive my mother. I think to myself: the years matter. Sixty is not fifty is not forty is not thirty. I think to myself: do I need substack or just stay here. I think to myself: break all the mirrors. I think to myself: therapy and then psychoanalysis and my psychoanalysis course work has done nothing but wake me up and it’s shocking, shocking news. I have so much more to say about this. Some of you have been with me since… 2011.
What does your darkness look like? What does your panic du jour look like? Taste like smell like what color is it? Are you bearing it? What do you allow yourself to feel? How many. have tried to talk you out of your feelings? Don’t listen to them. They are wrong.
To be continued…