Thinking about playing cards with my niece and how I don’t care who wins or loses. I mean, I don’t care if I win. It’s not so much a game of brains but quick reflexes. It’s late on a Friday night and occasionally I rise to the occasion to see if I can win but the motivation isn’t there. I’m Cups (in the Tarot). Water. Three planets in Cancer. I’m more concerned with the relationship (Cups/Water) than trying to win or a show of force. My niece on the other hand is ruthless lol She doesn’t let the old lady (me) win and plays fast and furiously. I think she thinks it’s fun. Whereas I’m tuning in to the “feel” of the game and that’s not really how games are played! But there I am surfing the energy waves of the cards, the game, the Shabbat evening, hanging out with my blood relative, making a memory. That’s where I’m at although it was fun to learn a new game. Having to press forward to *try* to win makes me tired (says Mars in Cancer).

So yeah it got me thinking about the nature of the Tarot and of Mars and how my Mars in Cancer isn’t interested in competing. My Mars in Cancer (and first house Moon Pluto conjunction) has nothing to prove. I already know who I am. Sure I have goals and dreams and I’m unhappy when I can’t reach them (as in my agent search for my novel) but a card game? Eh. I rather go slow and go deep. And if I remember correctly she has a Mars Uranus conjunction. That’s pretty f-ing fast. Mars Uranus is on fire no matter the sign. Direct, clear.

In other news, I’m continuing to read this paper for school and the author is talking about interplay. He’s talking about the spiral (my word, not his). He’s talking about experiencing life (because that’s how life is) not in a sequence or straight line or developmentally even but, again in my own words, a movement which is more like water. And by water I mean we don’t grow out of having feelings but we can interact with our feelings in all kinds of ways. I mean, there are all kinds of ways to react to feelings of sadness or guilt.

But about Wands and Cups, Fire and Water: we need them both. We need someone driven to win and someone who doesn’t care either way. As I reflect on this memory and feeling, I think of my mother. So often I feel her energy in my energy, her affect in my affect. I feel it the most when I’m calm and silent, reserved, observing, tuning in. She had about 49275720 planets in Scorpio.

We water signs don’t explode like fireworks. We don’t run fast. We do this other thing. I don’t know what to call it other than “surfing the wave.” It’s like we’re floating on top of whatever is going on, horizontally, then feeling into it, then going down into the waves (now a vertical motion), coming up again, going back down, coming up again. It’s an undulating energy. And sometimes we go really far far far down or really way way way up. That’s what happens in a psychic reading.

Well, dear star lovers, until we meet again. To be continued…
xo

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