I’m told this is a common issue. The one I’m about to talk about. And I’m learning so much these days.
See, I got married a little more than a month ago and suddenly (or not so suddenly) I find myself without ambition.
That may sound stark, but hear me out. What concerns me now, primarily, is my husband, my marriage, his well-being (my well being), domestic life, but it’s more a FEELING than a behavior. After all, he’s the cook of the family. I am head putterer 🙂 I’M A CANCER SUN MERCURY MARS.
And what I’ve noticed in him is increased motivation to go out and support the family. Slay that mastodon. He’s got a lot going on: his personal blog, his Belief.net stuff, other projects in the works, other writing, doing Readings.
And here I am. Knitting. Darning socks. Warming milk. Taking care of the babies. WTF.
Okay okay okay we have three cats and no babies. But the cats were mine before, already here. And I can’t sew, much less knit and I don’t even know what “darning” is.
HAS YOURS TRULY MOONPLUTO BECOME A CANCER SUN AT LAST? After all these years of Virgo Rising-herself to death?
Which reminds me of the difference between the Rising sign and the Sun sign and something I read in Howard Sasportas and I think he was quoting Liz Greene: that the Rising is the way we GET to our Sun.
“The Ascendent flowers into our Sun. The Sun is the kind of hero we are. But the Ascendent is the QUEST on which we must embark. The Sun is why we are here. The Ascendent is how we get there.”
Everything is different now. I need different support groups. Single lady in the Big City no longer. And he is my Whole World. The way my mother was. I know that sounds strange. But when my mother died, my life got cut in two, before and after.
Now is not the time to slack — is what I hear in my head, whenever I experience Wife Anxiety. What happened to all your dreams, your goals, your plays, the poems, all of it!
And then the counter-voice: but I’ve spent YEARS (lifetimes) striving, making art, building, falling, building, falling, and now there’s this new role. And it’s REAL. And (gasp, sob, revelation!) I LIKE it.
Goodbye Old Me. Goodbye goodbye. I remember reading a letter of my mother’s, it was a diary entry, her talking about the peaceful early years of her marriage, when the children were small, playing with playdoh, making macaroni and cheese…
What phase are you in? Are you living your Sun?
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