The traumatized child does not know what is okay or not okay — despite the experience of pain.
In the case of parental abuse or neglect, the TRUTH is, pretty much, unbearable. I mean, how does a child process and admit to her/himself that the caretaker is failing, is failing the child. To whom then does she/he have for protection?
And this feeling may persist into adulthood — is what is happening okay? Is what is happening not okay? Self-doubt. Such a grown-up seeks validation: am I crazy to feel the way I feel? This isn’t okay, is it? Searching for SOMEONE to tell them that, “No no dear. It’s not okay. It wasn’t okay then and it isn’t okay now.” But the truth is: you don’t need anyone’s help to decide this. If it doesn’t feel okay for you, that’s plenty, more than enough.
We were talking in the chat room about First House Moons and the need to become one’s own mother. Not to put it on anyone else. And, really, to save one’s own life. I forget all the different examples now — but I think we have a Moon Neptune, a Moon Uranus, a Moon Pluto. All these different fusions. A First House Moon does not necessarily equal trauma but combined I’d say we have our fair share.
And when the Moon is in her home sign of Cancer, I tend to go down memory lane (Cancer rules memory) and I tend to get stuck there (Cancers tend to cling) thus this post.
But here’s a good memory: on Saturday mornings, at synagogue, I would sit on my mother’s lap. She would read to me, whispering from the Chumash (the Bible), usually the story of creation, and twirl a strand of hair behind my ear until I dozed off.
Does your Moon tell your story?
Love, MP
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8 thoughts on “The Stars Today: Moon (is still) In Cancer”
This is where I am. During the Full Moon in Gemini I read Daddy’s Girl I almost puked. I was sick. I harassed my family about it, too… some girl convinced me I experienced “child neglect” due to not being hit but being threatened with it and feeling like an angry runt. So apparently I imagined some shit. But no. Gaslit about being abused? I wasn’t abused. Calling my mom and saying “Was I abused? Because I was dark was I abused? Because I was curious about sex and stuff was I abused?” Ugh. I’m an idiot too.
I love the image of your mother twirling your hair.
Both my fiance & I have 1st House Moons. I wonder if we find one another. It is a very specific undercurrent. and it’s very rewarding when we are finally able to look at ourselves and realize we’ve done it: we’ve started loving ourselves.
We’ve started giving ourselves permission to be imperfect (because we will give ourselves a mother’s love) and we allow ourselves moods (we will give ourselves a mother’s understanding).
Moon-Vesta 1st speaking 🙂 My best friend is also Moon in the first and I think we both share the tendency to feel unappreciated when people don´t care. She´s is a Libra Moon, I´m a Leo. I think for me it´s a pride matter and for her is just politeness… Moon in the 1st should find appreciation within their hearts 🙂
I’ve a 1st house moon, definitely confirm the need to become one’s own mother [caregiver, self-validator]. There wasn’t any abuse in my generation, but in prior generations of the family ; which prevented my parents from giving any substantive emotional support. Fortunately, I was led to look within fairly early. Breaking the chain.
Very affirming. Thank you.
Oh my moon tells a long story lol. 4th house sag conjunct ceres, saturn & uranus opposite chiron & vesta (public sacrifice) trine 8th house jupiter, etc. Its not okay when people abuse their power or try to take yours away. It’s not ok for people to make you feel awful. I’m really starting to learn that its OK to say NOOOO and it’s OK to WALK AWAY from situations that don’t serve me. But I still feel guilty when I stand up for myself for anything. Anytime I say, “I exist and you can’t stop that” its a victory but I’m afraid of the response I’ll get. I read that with my natal Mars square Pluto I’ll either be a victim or an abuser if I don’t truly understand and own my own power. I’m tired of being pushed around to suit someone else’s whims or apologizing because someone else is taking their aggression out on me. I’ve spent 26 years doing it and I’m so damn tired. I don’t want to be sorry for taking care of myself or sorry for saying “no” or even sorry for making a simple mistake like too much water in the potatoes. Other people aren’t out apologizing for such things because they know its not right. I’m not sorry for being hot either LOL. A friend randomly sent me a picture of myself and i instantly felt shame because he called it hot. And WHY? My 8th house is talking. I’m so moon messed I hide every time I have an interest or opinion or outfit someone might disapprove of. The current Cardinal Cross has me so fired up!
I see this a lot especially with my adopted patients. Some won’t even give themselves permission to heal from cancer. It is really hard to watch someone struggle with these unseen issues, but their healing is always in their hands. You can only guide them.
So true – can only guide