A gal on Twitter was asking about squares and oppositions in Synastry. She’s feeling bummed out about all the “doom and gloom” type predictions.
My honest opinion? Too many squares and oppositions? It won’t work. Unless you are a masochist. That much misunderstanding, and I think that’s what too many hard aspects between people add up to, is just too exhausting long-term. Now, on the other hand, only trines or sweet aspects will likely lead you to friendship and not the bedroom 🙂
My point: a combination is best BUT Your Mileage May Vary, as they say.
One person may have a higher tolerance for the tough stuff and not absorb it. A more sensitive type will tire more easily. Some people don’t mind tension. Some do. Some people’s charts are just more capable of dealing with the ups and downs of relationships. Have to factor all of this in.
Would I want a Saturn square with my lover? Hell, no. Same goes for a Mercury square. I need to be able to speak and speak freely and feel understood. But the intricacies of each chart also need to be understood.
If you have hard aspects in synastry, you can look at each one, study how they may play out, but also analyze how those planets operate in your own chart.
Most important of all though is how much do you want relationship. And how much do you want relationship with THAT person. This can compensate for tough aspects. For example: I am dealing with someone whose Sun squares my Moon! But we have plenty of good in our charts, in our synastry, lots of it, much of it striking. He’s important to me so understanding him is important to me. Things that used to bother me months ago… it was my own lack of understanding. I hope I don’t sound totally self-blaming but sometimes it is that simple. A Virgo is not a Sagittarius. They square,whether it’s by degree or not. And it takes effort to translate, at least it did for me. It takes caring. It takes being able to rest my Virgo mind for a moment and understand someone’s intentions.Men and women really do speak different languages and this gets exacerbated by hard aspect.
So, bottom line, yes, I think squares or other difficult aspects can make a relationship hard or even unworkable BUT it depends on the individual people, on the individual charts, on the energy between the two, where they are in their lives. If I had met this guy years ago? I would have been gone by now. See? I’m older now. I want it more. I can see my death. THIS is what matters to me so I am willing to… TRY.
And of course, we must look at the GOOD aspects as well. Graphs kind of make my head spin, but astrologers seem to love graphs. I prefer making a list and one could make a pro/con/neutral list. Really. And don’t look up what others have to say about the aspects. Use your own knowledge. If your knowledge is lacking, then return to the basics. Start where you are 🙂
Another example: let’s say my Mercury squares my lover’s Mercury but let’s say my Mercury is fabulously aspected in my chart and I’m a Gemini Sun. Then perhaps I can take any communication difficulties in stride. Maybe have fun with them even! But say I’m a Pisces Sun and more sensitive and my Mercury is in Pisces and it squares my lover’s loudmouth Mercury in Sagittarius? Could be way more difficult.
With astrology there is much to keep in mind: on the one hand, there are general principles that hold. On the other hand, the individual chart/person matters.
Please don’t be discouraged if you like someone and your charts have sharp edges. Such aspects can provide sexual tension, for example, excitement. Trust your instincts. I think you’ll know when it’s “too much” and the not-so-good outweighs the good.
I feel like this post has talked in circles but my main points are these:
1) how much do you want it/him (or her)
2) are you ready to work at relationship, work at the squares/oppositions/challenges
3) what are the specifics of the hard aspects. Analyze the natal charts and analyze the synastry. Analyze the energy. (I have a Virgo Moon, so analyzing is natural to me. Choose a different verb if analyze doesn’t work for you.)
4) make a list of the GOOD and perhaps that’s where you will turn when the going gets tough, like changing the channel. If communication gets tough? Well, maybe being physical is what heals, even if it’s just a simple touch.
5) put the charts away and just experience each other 🙂
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