Sunday Morning Coffee Talk: Relationships! The Chart Matters!

My fiance and I are a couple like any other. We fight sometimes.

And sometimes I genuinely feel it all comes back to the chart, the synastry. ALL ROADS LEAD!

And yet I can feel myself searching searching searching for some mystical reason WHY this or that altercation happens.

By the way, I asked his permission before writing this blog post. Asked if it was okay to admit in public that we fight. He said the word BRAWL was better 😉

Psychology today tells us not only is it normal but healthy to fight. I believe this, uncomfortable though it is.

And the other day I came up with a radical solution to a squabble we had. I did something DIFFERENTLY, as Pema Chodron often suggests. Getting out of the habitual experience or pattern.

I won’t go into the details but I will say, once again, I was reminded how much the CHART ACTUALLY DOES MATTER. And not that I ignored the squares between our charts, but I went above and beyond them.

As an astrologer, I deal with a lot of love and relationship questions and I do believe we have two individuals (or more, in a polyamorous sitch) not just a computer print-out of a natal chart and YET the squares and quincunxes between my Beloved’s chart and mine are the sweet filling (ha!) to the fabulous donut that we are.

Another metaphor: the squares are the glue! A Capricorn friend told me that once.

For me, doing something differently often means NOT trying to FIX (Virgo) the problem.

The other night, instead of talking it through, instead of trying to fix fix fix, instead of trying to solve, instead of seeking resolution and repair kits, I went in an opposite direction, towards something I wanted, something I needed. Hoping it would work for him as well. Did this instead of opening up the wound and scouring it for information. 

Bottom line: while you are remembering that you are two human beings, don’t forget THE MOST OBVIOUS CHART COMPONENTS. Don’t ignore your Sun, don’t ignore your Moon, don’t ignore who you are, what makes you feel secure, what you NEED beyond the shadow of a doubt. Don’t ignore your cream filling and don’t ignore the itchy scratchy places in your chart. Seek understanding.

I have a Moon Pluto conjunction in my chart. In my First House. In Virgo. It’s well aspected, yes, but I’m an invader. I penetrate. Pluto rules sex and Virgo is the healer. On a good day, I make you well. On a bad day, I make you sick. I make myself sick. Marriage vows (in my humble opinion) insist on… acceptance of flaws and sickness, but also on “continual improvement.” Or maybe that’s Virgo Moon marriage vows 😉 doing better, trying.

Or is it that those are human vows, human aspirations?



Not everyone wants to make it better. Not everyone wants to win. And I think the relationships that ultimately work are those where everyone involved has a greater LIFE drive than death drive. Know what I mean?

In one of the Chat Rooms we just started talking about the 9th House. How the 9th House (THE SEARCH FOR MEANING) follows the tumult and tzuris of the 8th House. Pain. Crisis. And how… a life suffused with meaning may not make the TESTS feel easy peasy but… a little less harsh. A little less random. The 9th House gives a REASON.

My chart goes from Chiron in the 8th House to Saturn in the 9th House. From the Wound to the Wisdom. I hope 🙂

Mercury is sextile Pluto today. Moon in Scorpio. What’s on your mind? 

Love, MP


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