PSA: Self-Respect Is THE Most Important Thing In A Healthy Relationship

"venus in the 12th house" Of course this is my opinion. Others may feel otherwise.

But if you don’t respect yourself, you will let others walk all over you, and you will go begging.

My Sunday Sermon advice: DO NOT GO BEGGING. If you find yourself begging? You’ve go the wrong man or wrong woman on your hook. You should not NEED to go begging.

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One way to find out the level of your own self-respect is to check out the condition of your VENUS. What kind of stress is she under in your natal chart? Is she too hard on herself and tends to feel guilty? Do you blame yourself for all the relationship woes? Could be a Saturn problem. Saturn likes to hit you with a stick 😉 Does she forget her worth? Could be Neptune! Neptune gets confused. Neptune can also be involved in self-blame. You tend to disappear before your own eyes. Jupiter could bring an inflation of value but I think most of us could use a bit more of this. Squares and Quincunxes in particular show inner tension, uncertainty. You don’t trust yourself. Venus Uranus is going to make you run or feel restless and thus you will often fall for runners so THEY leave instead of you. So many ways to talk about Venus but I want to get back to my Sermon 🙂

If you find yourself in a hamster wheel relationship, having the same fights over and over again, having the same THOUGHTS over and over again (you aren’t even WITH your love but are obsessing), I want you to focus on these three things:

stopping. If it’s an interaction, you must stop the interaction. Example: never bring up THAT topic again which gets you nowhere every single time. Instead, back away. Stop sending emails into the void. Shore up your boundaries and stop opening up the wound. Different story if they bring it up and actually have an action plan. My advice for you though — O Obsessed One — is to practice stopping. And I am talking about self control and mindful awareness. Stop yourself before you start that fight again, before you push to a painful point. Sometimes in my own relationships there would be topics that I would beat to death. Why? Because those topics would NEVER get solved. And I am INCAPABLE of pretending that everything is fine when it’s not. But eventually I learn to back away. Distance is helpful in this case. Whether you live with the person or not, create mental and physical SPACE around you. For your own sanity. You may say: but MoonPluto is this possible?? Yes it is. Takes a little time, patience, and discipline. You can do it.

no begging. Why don’t you love meeeeeeee?? Why don’t you want meeeeeee?? Trust me, if you are at the point where you have to ask the person these questions then you don’t even want to know the answers. You’ve hit a wall. Okay, my three points here definitely connect but I wanted to list them separately. If you start to witness yourself begging, you have to stop. A self-respecting woman or man doesn’t beg. Doesn’t go chasing after others who don’t want you. “But baby WHY don’t you do such and such for me? Why aren’t you acting in such and such a way for me?” Bottom line: they aren’t. They aren’t acting the way you want. And maybe you are TOTALLY right and they are fucking up OR fucked up. Or perhaps it’s simple incompatibility. Or ridiculous expectations. Begging gets you nowhere and it decreases your self-respect. Stop chasing people who do NOT want to be with you. How do you know if someone wants to be with you? They give you clear undiluted ACTION. Words are frosting but it’s action we want to see. Consistent action that takes into account… YOU.

I dated a guy once with zero sex drive for me (or in general — who knows…). He kept swearing he was attracted to me!! But there was always an excuse for his lack of sexual expression or initiation. I had hurt his feelings and this decreased his desire. Or I was too angry. And YEAH I was angry. Because I got involved with someone (fell in love/emotionally attached) who had no dick for me! And oh boy I had passion for him. I used to initiate all the time. He RARELY initiated. And sometimes he would even refuse me. Or just not notice me as a sexual being. And we would FIGHT about this. It was maddening! There I was, in a close relationship with someone, fighting for them to show sexual desire for me. You can see how messed up this is. And messed up it can make you, even after you piece back together your sexual self-esteem. Advice: Find people who actually WANT what you want. And don’t take their rejection of you personally. Eventually, I got wise and backed away — but after a lot of pain and confusion. I kept TRYING. Sometimes we have to stop trying. Or try differently. Or just fucking walk away.

self respect. You have to have self-respect. And if you have no clue what this is… well, use your feelings as your guide. I know you can feel that dip, when you dip below what feels right for you. But sometimes you just keep going, diving into the wreck (to quote Adrienne Rich). Yeah, think of self-respect as a feeling. I trust that you can tell when you are violating your own code. It will show up in your body.

Also please think about your Venus. What aspects do you have and to what planets and what themes arise? Do you go PLUTO? Does love become about who has the most control or power? My readers know I have Venus in the 12th House and one of my life’s goals is to… well it’s not even always about boundaries. I think I DO know how to say NO. And to fight for my boundary. But another insidious Venus problem can be CONFUSION i.e. what actually happened, what actually IS happening… Not trusting your own reality.

Okay, my friends, this blog post has gone on for long enough. Please read below for the latest in MoonPlutoNews.

Love, MP

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