I have a new *subscription* service.
Please visit the subscription tab on my new site moonpluto.com to see what it entails, to see all the details.
One thing the subscription entails is two blog posts written just for your, your issues, your concerns.
Interesting, I asked the folks who got on board with my new service what they wanted me to write about and most of them said USE YOUR INSTINCT. I TRUST YOU.
One young lady 🙂 said this:
Love and death have been on my mind. More specifically, whether I’ll ever have a romantic love and why most doctors want to tell me I’m dying. But, more importantly whatever you’re moved to write.
Today I want to address the first of her concerns, the more general of her concerns. Love and Death and I want to address what *I* know about love and death.
**
This morning I pulled two Tarot cards, one for husband, one for me. He got the Three of Cups. I got the Sun. Looks like a good day.
I admit I can be judgmental. Whenever I learn something new, I go on a tear, thinking I know everything. That NOW I’m married I KNOW marriage, I know intimacy.
But the thing is this — I have expedited learning, expedited healing. Mars rules my 8th House. Chiron is sheltered there (Ceres too). This makes the 8th House fast and furious but not always wise 😉 And just because I WANT the knowledge, doesn’t mean I have it yet. I’m learning. We all are.
That said, let me share with you what I know about love. Which is far less than what I know about death and dying. Both my parents had died before my Saturn Return. And in many ways they had died to me before then — because of the choices they made.
What I know about death: the relationships continue. And when someone dies it is a huge terrifying gap (*sometimes*) but it MUST BE. Someone will die first, parent OR child. My grandparents lived for many more years after my mother’s death. I don’t think either of them recovered from the shock.
I remember… I think it was the first week of her death. I was sitting on the steps of the rented house where I lived with friends, in shock. We were so close. And I had this thought: now I’m free. This thought had zero practical application. I had no life-skills. I remember talking to a client last year — and she was sharing with me THIS VERY THOUGHT and don’t get me wrong — I was beside myself with howling grief — and visitations from her spirit the first week — AND STILL I sat on the steps of that house and had that thought: now I’m free. From what? Death is the great separation. There was now a big break in my life. Who I was before. And now this other unformed mass.
I don’t believe there is any way to prepare for it because grief is physical. It will hit you and you will just have to… find your way. The symptoms of grief are physical, like time travel. I had a girlfriend at the time. She cooked for me. Brought me books about the mourning process. I wasn’t really open to it, I WAS NOT OPEN TO HER LOVE at all, but she saved my life with her good will. (I have Venus square Saturn in my natal chart. Venus square Saturn shuts the door.)
I’m not sure if this is what my buddy had in mind when she asked about death and love but… I’m realizing now these stories tell stories! And tell both stories at once. That one story I tell myself is that I’ve known FAR MORE death than love. Until recently. Until I got married — and am now experiencing love. Different than “family love” i.e. the people you are born to. Different than friendship love. Or the love for my friend’s children. This is something else entirely. It can fill an entire room 🙂 That’s my Virgo side. Always finding a limit to what is unlimited.
What is love? I’m not entirely sure yet. Meaning, I can’t put it into words. But I recognize it now. I can point to it.
What I know about love so far: it exists.
To be continued…
Love, MP
**
There are different ways to work with me. Please visit the new site MOONPLUTO.COM because there is more information there — about independent study (apprenticeship), Astro/Tarot specials, subscription, chat rooms, classes, and other stuff as it develops. 2014 I definitely want to begin my Creativity Workshops!
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6 thoughts on “On Love And Dying: (For Client X)”
*swoon* thank yooo sleepy head for your song!
I had to come back to this post. Interestingly enough, my snake had just died sometime between 22nd / 23rd night / morning.
I had him for years. He was about 20 years old. I was his 2nd person. He had full on chart in LEO. White corn snake with yellow artwork on his back. Born August 1 early 90’s- I don’t have my ephemeris on me.
He was magnificent! And I loved him. He lived by my bed no matter what- or where or how bad anything got- he was there. I realized late 22nd night something was wrong, I wasn’t going to be able to resurrect him this time as I have done a few times in his youth. He was cold, he wasn’t moving, mouth sorta open, I pulled him up rubbed his back I saw his head move slightly, he was aware that I was there. So I draped him across my neck so he could get warm, I put his head on my pillow with me, for his safety. And we went to sleep.
The Last Sleep for him that time.
The Big Sleep.
I woke up he was warm, but he was gone. I gently put him back in his glass house, on his heater, I’m going to have to prepare for his final step here.
🙁
I don’t really approve of where I live right now. It’s NOT * MY * home. It certainly isn’t HIS HOME either.
SO I decided to bury him in one of my plants. I’m takin’ him with me when I leave.
( I’m typical like that – my older plants have some uuhmmm things that I loved mixed in with them- I’m teetering on homelessness at all times. )
Anyhoooo I started my ( his ) ritual late afternoon, I wanted to make sure not to bury anybody alive!
I took death shots of him. He was a beautiful boy. He loved people. People loved him.
I lit my candles, prayed for him, prayed to him, talked to him, washed his face with my tears. I saged. I grabbed my new guy ( homeless plant I took in- he’s big and strong, doing well enough to handle the scene ) I started pawing at the dirt, tucking Dante’s long, sleek body into the dirt. And as I turned the planter at some point, his head was in front of me. HE HAD BECOME OUROBOROS!
He was clutching his tail in his mouth….
This snake has been with a priest and then passed to a priestess. His last message to me was the OUROBOROS!
Which was so…. HEAVY to me. It was such a profound message.
I can’t count the hours I have contemplated OUROBOROS. It means something different in every different culture. It’s one of the oldest symbols around.
Immortality, infinity, cyclical rhythms of life and death, self sufficiency.
Endless energy.
Dante GAVE that to me as his last gift. His last words. His final thought on the matter. It was a major gesture, effortless on his part other than letting go and dying I suppose. I’m of the class that believes DEATH IS NOT THE END.
No way.
I have seen too many things.
Energy changes form. It never ceases to exist. NEVER.
And I also believe we still have access to our loved ones.
So there’s my 2 cents.
At some point I realized the OUROBOROS from the Millenium series in the 90s’ was even the screen saver on my room computer that I use to watch movies, so he certainly knew HOW to do it. He’s watched that thing over and over.
I was finding the very act of burying him to be somewhat calming for me.
And then I saw THAT!
OMG
They say reptiles don’t care about people, I’m not so sure I even believe that.
This guy was MINE.
Had he been with someone, a regular someone- someone who doesn’t study the strange, or the obscure – arcane subjects, I suppose his departing gesture would have went completely unnoticed, or not remotely understood.
It would have definitely went UNAPPRECIATED….
And I felt so lucky. Lucky that I had him. Lucky that I was there when he left.
Lucky he did that when he did.
Anyway, I’ve been dealing with this situation. I think he left me as gently as he could. We had a different love- obviously. But we are both very grateful for your song! It fits quite nicely at the moment. Lovely and very much appreciated.
*hugs*
>^:^<
Great to see you live on video !! Film is worth a gazillion words. Night.
You have such a good voice!
I wish I could express myself like that. To quote Lena Dunham’s character in Girls—‘I sound like a dying squirrel when I sing’.
I was wondering what this sky means for me. I have an Aries South Node/Libra North Node and a Capricorn Ascendent/Cancer Descendent.
Your posts have extra intensity lately and I love it!
MP this is beautiful, and really speaks to me. thank you.
Long time no see kmb xoxo
xoxo mp 🙂