On Love And Dying: (For Client X)

I have a new *subscription* service.

Please visit the subscription tab on my new site moonpluto.com to see what it entails, to see all the details.

One thing the subscription entails is two blog posts written just for your, your issues, your concerns.

Interesting, I asked the folks who got on board with my new service what they wanted me to write about and most of them said USE YOUR INSTINCT. I TRUST YOU.

One young lady 🙂 said this:

Love and death have been on my mind. More specifically, whether I’ll ever have a romantic love and why most doctors want to tell me I’m dying. But, more importantly whatever you’re moved to write.

Today I want to address the first of her concerns, the more general of her concerns. Love and Death and I want to address what *I* know about love and death.

This morning I pulled two Tarot cards, one for husband, one for me. He got the Three of Cups. I got the Sun. Looks like a good day.

I admit I can be judgmental. Whenever I learn something new, I go on a tear, thinking I know everything. That NOW I’m married I KNOW marriage, I know intimacy.

But the thing is this — I have expedited learning, expedited healing. Mars rules my 8th House. Chiron is sheltered there (Ceres too). This makes the 8th House fast and furious but not always wise 😉 And just because I WANT the knowledge, doesn’t mean I have it yet. I’m learning. We all are. 

That said, let me share with you what I know about love. Which is far less than what I know about death and dying. Both my parents had died before my Saturn Return. And in many ways they had died to me before then — because of the choices they made.

What I know about death: the relationships continue. And when someone dies it is a huge terrifying gap (*sometimes*) but it MUST BE. Someone will die first, parent OR child. My grandparents lived for many  more years after my mother’s death. I don’t think either of them recovered from the shock.

I remember… I think it was the first week of her death. I was sitting on the steps of the rented house where I lived with friends, in shock. We were so close. And I had this thought: now I’m free. This thought had zero practical application. I had no life-skills. I remember talking to a client last year — and she was sharing with me THIS VERY THOUGHT and don’t get me wrong — I was beside myself with howling grief — and visitations from her spirit the first week — AND STILL I sat on the steps of that house and had that thought: now I’m free. From what? Death is the great separation. There was now a big break in my life. Who I was before. And now this other unformed mass.

I don’t believe there is any way to prepare for it because grief is physical. It will hit you and you will just have to… find your way. The symptoms of grief are physical, like time travel. I had a girlfriend at the time. She cooked for me. Brought me books about the mourning process. I wasn’t really open to it, I WAS NOT OPEN TO HER LOVE at all, but she saved my life with her good will. (I have Venus square Saturn in my natal chart. Venus square Saturn shuts the door.)

I’m not sure if this is what my buddy had in mind when she asked about death and love but… I’m realizing now these stories tell stories! And tell both stories at once. That one story I tell myself is that I’ve known FAR MORE death than love. Until recently. Until I got married — and am now experiencing love. Different than “family love” i.e. the people you are born to. Different than friendship love. Or the love for my friend’s children. This is something else entirely. It can fill an entire room 🙂 That’s my Virgo side. Always finding a limit to what is unlimited.

What is love? I’m not entirely sure yet. Meaning, I can’t put it into words. But I recognize it now. I can point to it.

What I know about love so far: it exists.

To be continued…

Love, MP

There are different ways to work with me. Please visit the new site MOONPLUTO.COM because there is more information there — about independent study (apprenticeship), Astro/Tarot specials, subscription, chat rooms, classes, and other stuff as it develops. 2014 I definitely want to begin my Creativity Workshops!

JANUARY SPECIAL: 45 minute Astro/Tarot $50 (Instant Message only)
FEBRUARY SPECIAL: 90 minute Astro/Tarot $90 (Phone/IM/Email combo is fine)

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