I am determined to be happy.
On the one hand: I have an exact Venus Jupiter sextile in my natal chart. Good. The two benefics holding hands, *working* together.
And on the same hand: my name, in Hebrew, means happy. Thus my potential, given to me by my mother, a name she chose because she liked it. Not to honor a relative or for any duty-bound Capricornian type reason. (She was a Scorpio by the way.)
But on the OTHER hand, Saturn the Tester, the Taskmaster, God of Karma rules my 5th House of pleasure and fun and LUV. And Saturn in planet form lives in my 9th House.
What does this mean?
It means I take my fun seriously. It means I am a serious girl. It means I only smile when you make me 😉
It means these fun firey houses get the Saturn treatment. For me? Work is fun. Commitment is REALLY FUN. (God I love commitment!) It means my very beliefs/belief-system (9th House) can limit me. It means my mind matters.
It also means I am determined (Saturn) to be happy (5th House/Leo). And I am determined (Saturn) to be ME (Aliza i.e. my uniqueness i.e. 5th House).
Do I need to lighten up sometimes? Maaaaaaaybeeeeeeee….
And all this is what I felt and thought upon waking this morning, wondering if my relationship was truly over-OVER and if so? Okay. I am determined to be happy. If not? Okay. I am determined to be happy.
Call it… damn… what’s that word? Ah yes. EQUANIMITY.
But what the fuck is happy anyway — how to define it?
For me, it means a certain amount of freedom, a certain amount of chains, a certain amount of good feeling, a certain amount of… well, maybe that’ the gist of it. It’s about how I feel, what I do, and having the power and freedom to choose. And I want more and more and more of this. Greedy me. More good feeling. More freedom over my time, space, environment.
Now I may revise this definition but…
Venus enters Capricorn tomorrow and the Moon will be playing with Capricorn too. And Pluto there. I love this interplay of light and dark and that it will be in my 5th House which is *supposed* to be Leo-bright and courageous but in my chart also holds fear and doubt.
Such is life.
I’m an old woman now. I’m only 41 but I’m an old woman. I’m old enough to see the value of thinking positive and believing positive (Jupiter) and Mars in Virgo trines that Capricorn and I will work for my happiness and I will build it. I will build a strong strong foundation.
And I will suffer as always, as Cancer does, sensitively, swimming in the sweet emotional depths, moody but that doesn’t take away from my ME, my Aliza. I will be the happiest serious girl on the block.
I better stop typing before I start singing Whitney Houston or something. And this is my truth, says the Sun in Sagittarius trine Uranus: this love made me better and stronger even if.
Even if. Even if. You know the rest.
Where’s your natal Saturn?
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