Mid-Life Crisis? Or Mid-Life Creativity?

"cancer moon"

Although I am an experienced moody person (Cancer Sun, Mercury, and Mars conjunct), it is still uncomfortable, at times, to bear unpleasant moods. You know the ones: sadness, sadness, and, well, sadness, mostly.

Although I grew up a depressed kid…. Oh. Maybe that’s why. Because I DID grow up depressed and sad, that when those feelings show up again? Now? Here? When I’m no longer a kid and so powerless? I feel afraid. That maybe it’s back for good. Maybe I’m slipping. Maybe… nothing.  The past can be so damn powerful, eh?

And I give people my Virgo 2 cents all the time: sit with it, stay with it, don’t struggle, lean in, it’s okay, feel your feelings, sink if you need, distract, observe… because one of the things we know about moods is that they change and for Cancers they are a dime a dozen.

But I feel alarmed when the sad starts to feel consistent, persistent, a pattern, and I wonder: is this here to stay now? And why? PMS? Winter approaching? What am I repressing? What do I need now? Am I angry? Who at? Does my love still love me? What does the future hold? Will happiness be mine? And so on.  My Virgo Moon begins to dig and doesn’t stop, looking for the source, looking for the solution. Yeah, instead of the alternative, which is just letting it be there.

See, whatever lessons I try to bring you are the lessons that I need (I am a born, albeit reluctant, teacher, with Saturn in the 9th, and I was born of teachers, both my parents were). When I write here, it’s like we become one body: I am talking to you and talking to myself.

I have to say this though: if you are a Cancer or other sensitive sign, or emotionally intense from your natal aspects, it does get better. It really does get better. That’s the up-side of aging.

I think I will enjoy my 40s, overall, even if I do spend them in the Big City because it’s not that the Big City is primarily a youth culture but… the Big City encourages creativity and that keeps you young.

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