Everything embarrasses me.
In one of the chat rooms, I asked the group to describe (their experience of) sex in three words. Verbs, adjectives, articles, whatever!
And then we started talking about expectation of what we wanted sex to be vs. what sex was or is.
My first word for sex was “embarrassing.”
And then a gal used the word VULNERABLE and I thought that was, perhaps, more accurate.
But that Embarrassment was the sullen sister of Vulnerable. It’s a continuum.
I think most of us want to feel safe, especially at our most exposed and sex is an opening. It takes bravery to… not cruise along or space out or rush or do anything but FACE IT. Who is this person you are doing THIS with. And what is THIS. Define it. Yeah you bet I want to define it. And I will not stop trying. Moon conjunct Pluto in Virgo in my First House. The Investigatrix.
But this blog post is about the EIGHT HOUSE. Do you live there or do you just visit? EVERYBODY has an Eighth House.
How important is sex to you? What is sex to you? Has it changed at all over the years? And can you be vulnerable without feeling embarrassed for your openness? For how much want it. Or for how much you don’t. Do you feel comfortable enough to make choices that will make YOU happy?
Typical Saturday around here, these types of questions. I hope you enjoy it. I do 🙂
Mercury will retrograde in Scorpio on Monday for three weeks, a perfect time to think about sex and intimacy (Scorpio-ruled topics). Also, CLICK HERE for Parts One and Two of my Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio series.
Love, MP
12 thoughts on “Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio (Part 3): SEX”
To me sex is healthy (6th house) and kind of part of romance and I worry I’m boring at it (Mars in Capricorn.) It’s important. In the past, the idea of sex or my half knowing about it seemed more powerful and beautiful than the crude tv reenactments (12th house.) I grew up during a beautiful time of sexual suggestion though (for some reason I think of Losing My Religion, Like A Prayer, Constant Craving, and Aeon Flux.) I felt mesmerized by the music of Pluto in Scorpio and it was the suggestion of sex.
Ah, sorry. I ranted. I guess eclipses tend to illuminate things. I found for myself that “looking for love” tended to lead to hurt. I stand by the thing I learned during Saturn in Libra which was that if you decide to stop looking for love, learning to feel whole and finding a path to “self love,” whatever that means, accelerates maturity and tends to strengthen boundaries (or self worth) and slightly curtail future disturbance and heartbreak. Coming from a person who’s found that the things I forgot to work on or heal earlier keep being highlighted and illuminated in a relationship or when I’m alone and stir crazy. I hope that if I use my time wisely now when lonely I can avoid hurts in the future.
Please Aliza do it. I’m still 19, but i’ve never had a boyfriend, I know i’m still young, and everything, but I feel the same as the others above post. That feeling of wishing so much to be with someone that you yourself kind of sabotage yourself.
I think everything starts with the low self-esteem and that feeling of nobody likes me, i’m ugly, fat, bla bla bla. And the people i like never likes me back (which I now think, they do feel attract to us, since we are attract to them, but some insecurity inside us, pull them back…i don’t know) is another history.
Thanks for your post!
I kinda avoided this post because I’m a virgin, at 25, and almost have a panic attack the other day thinking about being a 26 year old virgin (in 4 months actually!). I’ve always wanted to have sex, but no one ever really desired me (and the people I liked never liked me back). Now I’m in this weird limbo where people still don’t like me but I got treated as a freak by coworkers in a recent job because I hadn’t been with anyone yet (romantically or sexually).
Recently, I decided that I was going to stop looking for love. Whatever that means. Whenever I want something desperately – like sex or dating – the further I get from it. And since I’ll probably never stop wanting to be married, or to have sex, or to date – I’m just… stuck.
But, after/with the eclipse – I’ve decided to just stop. I dunno what this means exactly, but… I’m done. I just want all that desire and wanting to be over.
Not about sex. But it’s about wanting to have sex, and not having access to partnered sex, and learning to live with what that means.
:/
I’m going to write a blog post about this topic, later. Quite a few young women have commented on my blog over the last week or so about being virgins… Want to address this topic. And the topic of NO SHAME.
I lost it around then 🙂 What sign are your Venus and Mars in, out of curiosity? Know how they aspect each other?
Here comes some unsolicited stuff.
I think your coworkers discriminating against you about this is unacceptable and possibly harassment, I’m not suggesting complain to HR, I just think it’s inappropriate. I also think just because it’s not something these coworkers do, doesn’t mean it’s weird or odd, there is no shame. Who really cares? Why is it their business? Some people lose their virginity in ways that are traumatizing, some in ways that are embarrassing, some don’t, in my experience, losing it later or waiting was about choice and being intentional and clear headed about how it happens, no matter how. I chose to make sure I was beginning a relationship, to kind of clue my status in when the moment came (not necessarily declare it. I was just like “Um, are we doing this?” And stuff), and make sure the person wasn’t going to scram. It was a healthy start. The thing is my sexual status is purely my thing, I eventually realized it was personal and really not a scarlet letter of any kind.
I kind of checked out your link for a second and structure, boundaries, this is stuff I can relate to. Something one finds out the hard way is sometimes it’s good to figure out what you like. Someone else won’t know possibly and communication is an art. This puts you ahead of the game as a woman and an autonomous sexual being. I mean masturbation or watching stuff that you find attractive (not necessarily sexual stuff). Even to experience the gamut of erotic feelings when they don’t involve sex, to fully know what you’re into. Finding out what gets you off, as well, obviously. Or what makes you feel happy, even sexy. I think a lot of women suffer from feeling like their desires are complicated for men or that they can’t get what they want. Plus you can emancipate yourself from wanting sex or craving flirtation much of the time and be more clear headed. I think learning what gets you off early puts you ahead of the game as an autonomous sexual being. I have a hang up about this and it’s somewhat complicating things for me.
I found that communication makes for better, more mature sex, and not being afraid to ask for what you want. I also find that some guys won’t be able to somehow magically give you what you want. Where I trip up is knowing what I want.
I definitely had some unhealthy stuff in the past. I struggled and continue to struggle with feeling insecure, not feeling liked by people who I like, etc. This has nothing to do with virginity, I think. I think it has to do with placing the ability to assess one’s value and worth on other people, or even strangers. What if their values are radically different from mine? Why should they have the power to make me feel pretty or not? In my experience, physical approval, flirtation and such from men is only temporary validation and doesn’t have a lot of value if they have the wrong motive. I’m trying to figure out how to be feminine right now and to feel pretty every day. On my own terms, not to please people, but to feel feminine and “together.” This seems to constitute healing myself as a person and feeling whole, assessing my own worth by doing stuff all the time, trying to use my Mars. Learning to emancipate oneself from insecurity takes various forms depending on one’s chart. I think. Trying to avoid seeing if someone’s looking at me or not 🙂 or avoiding situations where I feel like I’m being evaluated. Some people do the whole self talk thing to get to self love. I’m trying to do meditation, yoga, exercise, eat some healthy foods, and do work. Trying to. And also trying to be okay with what I do and not care or something, actively ignore what others think unless they are suggestions I can slowly incorporate.
Eh, just my take, I’ve been there and on both sides.
Hell, I’m 56. Had 4 children. 2 1/2 husbands, (Yeah, that, well I lived with this guy for couple years) and what sex is . . . is personal. But nothing to get hung about. Strawberry fields forever.
I can relate. I have southnode conjunct pluto conjunct saturn in my 7th house in scorpio. And you nailed it by saying sex is vulnerable. And i hated being vulnerable. Maybe that’s why i’m afraid of having sex. Top that with venus and mars in 12th house aries. I’m not aware of my own beauty. Could also be scared of my own femininity. This is what i’ve been healing in myself. My mars in 12th hoise aries is helping me understand how secretly i have this very high want to merge with someone, but till now haven’t found the courage perhaps to do so. Maybe i just need more time says my saturn in 7th house scorpio and this will transform me (pluto). =)
I have Aries North node in empty 8th house,
and I am still virgin at 27 years old, sex is so FOREIGN to me as can be,
years ago I used to feel I am not pretty enough to have sex (maybe my venus in libra conjunct south node has anything to do with this, or venus semisquare saturn- dont´t know..), but somehow sex for me repsents something too animalistic, too raw, too embarassing ad disgusting even Think about- sometimes I wonder why its like that, never have had bad experience/abuse/whatever that can make you feel like this… I could live as nun for all I care, …
Nothing wrong with living as a nun, TooMuch. If that’s what you want. Venus conjunct South Node is **not easy** — in fact I think it’s one of the more challenging placements for getting a love life in working order. That said, no shame in being a nun or in being virgin or in… allowing your life to unfold, as you wish…
I don’t have a sex life; there have been times when I’ve really wanted one, and other times when it seems too… I don’t know. Similar to what TooMuch described. That might also be due to the fact that I don’t feel attractive, much of the time – and I have trouble connecting certain types of sex with love, rather than someone just wanting to be dirty (I don’t just want to be dirty, you know? I don’t judge others, but I don’t understand that).
I also have Venus conjunct South Node, and it has a minor aspect to Saturn. This is interesting to me.
On a different note: I wanted to tell Aliza that you should go ahead and make certain things subscription only, if you need to. I just hope that you won’t make the whole site that way. 🙂 You need to do what’s good for you; I might be able to subscribe in the future.
mmmmm… no one wants to hear this – likely….. just stopped – 13 years ago. Too much hurt/vulnerability/shrinking.of.self.to.’fit.other …. etc. But i’m a natural hermit – so it’s fine – didn’t take too long to adjust. Blessings to the brave who soldier on.