I said it out loud — I’m here.
I didn’t think I’d be back to blogging so soon but I see I have no choice.
I am finishing a manuscript and it’s taken my entire focus for the past few months but now I have no choice. The death of my beloved familiar, feline companion Cleo, who was born in my basement and who I had the privilege to live with for 13 years…. this has brought me to a new… place of… not just a new low but a lack of understanding and desire for answers. It’s not just “desire” for answers; it’s a matter of life and death.
I wrote on my Facebook today (Facebook is not a bad place for thinking out loud):
I need a path and I need a path because I need answers. Every Path or path or “path” has been inadequate, has failed. No answers have been given and if I am to remain here and keep doing the work I do of helping you and keep writing then I need a path and I need to start to unravel some of the answers of my life and come out of the dark. My life has been dark and continues to be dark and I have to investigate in new ways, even here in sunny Florida.
The Nodes and Eclipses are moving to my 12th/6th House axis so now I know. Now I know what to DO with this transit(s). I’d been wondering of course. And it’s SO boring. But necessary. I rather have a cute boyfriend and a stable home and a normal life. It never was. It never will be. And THAT is hard to accept.
Astrology is not enough and Tarot is not enough and Witchcraft is not enough and my past and tradition of Judaism is not enough and my studies in Catholicism and my love for Mary and the Saints and oh I do love Catholicism is not enough (although quite comforting, I love a good Baptist preacher) and anything I’ve kind of dipped into… explored… deeply or not so deeply… not enough.
Because I come to this place, always the same place, it’s circular and now answers must be found. Sought in new ways and found.
So this is the beginning of my coming back to the blog. To talk about… well.. I don’t know yet.
I do know I have to finish my manuscript soon so I may not be back-back yet but I can feel my fingers are excited to type here.
What I know is this: I speak only for myself but if you enjoy what I share here, I’m grateful for that and feel free to apply it to your own life even though I am well aware – that my life, from Day One, has not resembled yours and for that you should be grateful, that yours has not resembled mine.
I’m deep in my blood time. I’m tired. I have a cold. I have work to do, writing and clients. I can’t take a day off today although I did postpone a couple people.
And I was resting and that is when I realized this. Where I need to go, what I need to discover, is so much deeper than everything that has come before. I’ll try not be edgy and cranky about it but I can’t promise that.
I need a path and I need answers. I’ll share with you what I find as best I can.