I’m not sure there are any other options.
Well, I guess there is the waiting room. The waiting room is where, when, you decide which you will choose: build again or die. And the waiting room, well, you can sit in the waiting room, stand in the waiting room, scream and cry in the waiting room for years, decades. Lifetimes even!!! And then you choose. Build or die build or die build or die.
And sometimes we have hours/days/weeks/months/years/decades/lifetimes where we wake up every day with this very question. Build or die.
Here is one suggestion for what to do while in the waiting room:
breathe out grief. Breathe in love. Breathe out grief. Breathe in love. Or hope. Or other word/idea of what you want. Use your intuition to discover what these words/ideas are. When I breathe in hope, my heart starts to shake and I want to cry. The way of hope doesn’t work for me. It makes me hurt. But when I breathe in love I feel peace and I feel my body go warm and expansive. Experiment.
Some of you will spend your entire lives learning to meditate, learning to breathe, remembering to breathe. This is a beautiful goal. I’m right there with you.
One day I was walking in my old neighborhood and I had it in my head that I wanted to study Kabbalah with a great master and understand the Tree of Life and the Sefirot and I ran into a friend (who I consider a great master of Chassidut, mystical teachings) and I said to her: my friend! Help! I do not understand the Tree of Life. Can you help me?
And she laughed. Not to make fun of me, but from wisdom. She said: Aliza, men (and women) spend their entire LIVES in search of this understanding. Of course you don’t get it.
In today’s world we see this a lot: seven ways to easily achieve x,y,z — this emphasis on EASILY and ACHIEVE and, well, sometimes it takes a lifetime. LifetimeS. And we hope to come back (there’s that hope thing again) healed, without having to swim the same river.
Some rivers, however, are worth swimming twice — like the river of the breathe, the river of learning, of study, of love.
Sometimes I wake up each day with the same questions — how will I do such and such, how will I get from here to there, how will I cross the river, build or die.
I notice so many of my questions are HOW questions, very Virgo and I am not a Virgo but have much Virgo in my chart including Virgo South Node and Virgo Moon Pluto conjunction.
Instead of the HOW questions, instead of the incessant mind, if you can pick up a practice (like breath practice) or a book (not for facts but for insight). Do this and give the mind a rest. The Mercury mind always spinning won’t give you answers but Uranus might, or Neptune. Even Pluto. Ceres. The outer spheres.
Build or die. Which do you choose today. You know that you can take this totally micro. Choose die today and choose build tomorrow. And by “die” most of the time I do not mean The Big Leave but how much effort you extend on any given day. But then sometimes it IS what I mean because let’s be honest here — many of us have those moments. And because ultimately, to me, that is the question which is why I had to blog about it today.
Build or die, build or die, build or die.
Which do you choose?