Just now settling in to blog and I wanted to talk once again about aha moments 🙂 No, not those moments when you start singing Take On Me at random moments (I never do, by the way) but those moments of great psychological insight that matter perhaps to no one but yourself but… matter nonetheless.
Today was the first rehearsal for my play and I couldn’t be happier although a little nervous. Director and all three actors are brilliant, interesting, and I feel inspired again. Still it’s limited rehearsal time and three performances spread out over September. The insight though has to do with love, desire, Venus. This play was inspired by my love and longing for someone, written a few years ago, a relationship that ended.
What I noticed though is that the relationship that followed… followed a similar pattern. The guy wasn’t “there.” The details were different but the psychology was the same. It was me, Venus in the 12th House, once again, waiting. Feeling deeply, feeling at a loss, and waiting. And I’m not talking about days or weeks or months I’m talking years. Especially when you add up all the time of the two situations.
So what I learned today was the one thing that I already knew but that much clearer: that longing and pining and desire is MINE. And I have a souvenir to prove it. I wrote this play. (A very weird play, by the way.)
Sure I get inspired, but the words I was hearing read back to me by the actors, written for someone I loved a few years ago could EASILY have applied to the relationship that is still painfully fresh in my mind. Same words. Different guy.
Moon Pluto runs on emotional and physical intimacy. Real life. Without that, there is endless frustration. And inspiration, but to a point. Make art or die, basically.
This is usually the moment where I include the day’s transits but I think I’ll leave them off this post except to say that Mars now in Scorpio is a power placement, strategic.
Passion, I said to my roommate. It’s passion that I want to feel for the other person. Without that…. there’s no point. And I made the Saturn choice over the Neptune fantasy. Venus in the 12th House grows up.
So if he wants to come HERE and love me? Then love me. Otherwise, I’ve got plays to write 🙂