Is your work who you are?
Funny, this morning I had another topic in mind to write about.
I was going to write about how I got up this morning and meditated, first thing.
Right after I made the bed. How I listened to the birds. So many birds and so quiet in my room I could hear them all.
How my bed is actually one of those futons that folds up and I sleep on it folded up like a couch and there’s a spiritual divide in my room i.e. I don’t have an office. Half my room is rest. The other half is work. Bed. Desk.
So I sat crosslegged on my futon/couch, blankets folded, one cat beside me (she’s usually there) and another one came to sit and for just a few minutes, less than 10 minutes I listened to the birds and watched my mind and noticed that Game of Thrones is very much on my mind! Among other things 🙂
All my life I was an artist. I guess I still am but I don’t think of myself that way so much these days and as an artist I had my art and I had my work. Different. And my mother (who was a teacher for a good portion of her working life) always encouraged me to teach. I had no interest. I don’t like to be in front of people. I’m quiet. I don’t want to have to prove my points. But she encouraged me, English Major, to become a teacher. Never telling me how to become a teacher in reality. There was no Saturn instruction, but talking about “something to fall back on.”
And that was how I lived my life, two tracks: doing my art, and money (never very much) from elsewhere.
When I started my own business (not blogging, a different one) I “grew up” around work. See, when I worked for others, I didn’t care. It wasn’t my thing. It was their thing. Why should I care? I was depressed. I wanted to hide. I could not deal with daily communication with people in front of me. So sensitive, so retiring, so anxious. I had to find the right thing for ME. I wound up working with animals. It changed my life. They changed my life.
When I was of service to others and setting my own schedule and being my own boss? World of difference. I was always worried about money but I was able to establish a little something to survive. PLUS my freedom. For the first time in my life I went to work without hating it, without fear. This was when I was in my 30s by the way.
So last year I started blogging and growing what I do here. I had been doing readings here and there over the years as I learned astrology and grew spiritually. I am not done with either process.
But now I feel it is one track. I am my work. There’s no… art in that corner and work/money in this corner. It feels better. It feels whole. I don’t mean to say that everything is perfect or settled. What I mean to say is… you can choose.
People with personal planets in their 6th House (I’ve tended to notice) prefer that steady paycheck. Who of us doesn’t? And yet some prioritize freedom and will accept insecurity as the price to pay for that freedom. I am the latter although my North Node in Pisces is in the 6th House. Daily spiritual service. Less hand-wringing 🙂 More flow.
How is it for you? Do you have a split between your art and your life? Between your work and your life? Do you want to close the gap?
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll go back to the sort of writing I used to do. I got an idea for a full length play the other day but honestly not sure if I want to bother.
My focus when Saturn entered my 2nd was to focus totally on making a living, on changing how I make a living so I abandoned what I considered my art. And it didn’t feel like a sacrifice. It felt like doors weren’t opening and I needed more open doors.
Saturn: wherever he is transiting in your chart is a challenge to be sure but one you must accept. Saturn is ambition, authority… yours or others’. Which will it be?
Don’t get trampled by your Saturn transit. Rise up.
Saturn goes direct in late June. NOT that far away. At 22 degrees. He will turn and move forward again, slowly slowly slowly.
Are you learning the lessons of Saturn in Libra? Maturity in relationship? Wisdom? Integrity? Has everything fallen apart? Can you put it back together? Saturn removes from our lives what is no longer working.
Don’t let him leave the house without your changing.
Saturn is slow. Saturn can make you feel like change isn’t possible. I talk to a lot of folks these days with Saturn on their Pluto which is a tough tough transit. Like you can’t move.
The meaning is this…
But wait. A small tangent. Meaning is my word, you know? Not joy. Not happiness even. Not content. But meaning. A meaningful life. And from there, all the other abstract nouns may follow. They show up like the birds show up and make a pretty noise.
When I had my other business, it was meaningful to me but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t using ENOUGH of ME. As I began to do this, consulting and writing astrology, I began to use MORE of me which led to more meaning and more contentment. and wonder. Satisfaction. Joy?
I have a story about joy. The other night I was with a friend. Hadn’t seen her lately although we are pretty close. It had been two weeks maybe and at one point during the evening I began to laugh. And I hadn’t laughed like that in… I don’t know how long. Free laughter. And it reminded me of crying in that it was an emotional release more than anything . That it could have gone the other way even though there was no sadness in that moment. That it could have been some huge tear rainstorm and bellow. But no. It came out as a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh a laugh and she was right there with me in the laugh. Funny. I didn’t expect it.
The other day, counseling a woman who has a dream of one thing but is doing another. I could see no reason, no block, for not trying. None. I searched my mind, I searched whatever energy was around us. Nothing. The only impediment would have been… her, her thinking, her belief in herself. Sometimes it is that simple
I’m not saying everyone can be a millionaire or a baseball player… I’m not talking about skills or luck even. I’m talking about meaning. Doing, being, who you are. Seeing where it leads…
What’s your story of work?