I remember thinking this.
Possibly at different sharp points in my life, that BECAUSE of the traumas I survived, that the rules just didn’t apply to me. Whatever rules applied to the Normal People. Life had been blown WIDE OPEN. There was a rip in the fabric. Not sure this makes sense but I thought of it this morning. Remembered it, remembered thinking it. Wish I could describe it better…
There is only so much a young mind can take in, understand, make sense of. There is a limit. And then we grow up and we look back. Maybe we’re in pieces. Maybe we’re not. But if you’re sitting there reading this, there is hope for you.
Not that I now had no morals (picking up where I left off in my story) but actually the opposite. And partly because I’d been dealt this STRICT hand… that now I was… not blessed. That’s not the word. But that the rules just did not apply.
I am LIVING Scorpio Season this time like never before.
Digging and truth seeking because… the past is a ticking time bomb until the fibers are EXPOSED. And it’s a PROCESS.
Keep asking questions until the answers make you cry. Then you KNOW you’ve gotten somewhere. You should FEEL those aha moments. Intellectual understanding is just one level. Even “oh so this is what happened” is a surface level. You have to GO BACK THERE (yes, there, exactly where you don’t want to go and put your key in the lock) and FEEL it. Who you were before. Who you were during. Who you were after. Who you are now. I’m talking about traumatic experience, yes. And this is only my opinion. There is a time and place for all kinds of exploration. I am not telling you that your way is wrong. When I was younger (in my 20s) there was only so much of this exploration I could take. I’d dissociate, get lost in myself. But years pass, the brain changes. The process changes. I don’t get lost like I used to. I STAY me. I go IN and I come OUT. I can look that moment (that year, those years) in the face. Feeling is NOT a weakness. Feeling is your strength. It’s what keeps YOU connected to you.
I hope you, too, are digging, making your own discoveries, with or without a guide. That’s what Scorpio Season is for. Harvest it. Mars is in Virgo. The discoveries that you make now, well, I just don’t think this chance will come again. NOT LIKE THIS.
New Moon in Scorpio/Solar Eclipse, Mercury Retrograde in Scorpio, Sun in Scorpio, North Node and Saturn in Scorpio.
No one gets out of here alive 🙂
Love, MP
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11 thoughts on “The Rules Don’t Apply (What To Do With Scorpio Season pt 2)”
My North Node is in Scorpio along with Uranus. I’ve been through so many traumatic experiences I’ve grown to expect it. I went numb over the years. It’s like I don’t want feelings anymore. Last night I had a dream with incredible sadness came welling up. It was something I’ve been trying really hard to not think about. There’s a point where you’re suppose to “get over it.” and not let it drag on….then it drags on anyway. When I woke up I couldn’t stop crying. The feeling was so overwhelming I couldn’t block it.
I appreciate this, especially as a scorpio. thank you!
Hey Shady!
I don’t know if someone want to read this but here I go:
As I went through an eating disorder I started to eat “healthy” two years ago. I did it more for my fear of
get fat. Everything grew up big so I think I was falling into a bulimic experience. However I went to a doctor fast so with the correct diet I lost weight. But anxiety started to develop since I had to cut all sugars and that was something I wasn’t prepare of. I realize I was trying to fill an empty space with sugar and I think all my process has been about getting back my self love, and trying my body better and of course doing my diet with the correct mindset. But I found myself really skinny and even the day of my birthday I didn’t bought birthcake since I was so into the idea of no sugars that I felt like I was denying myself pleassure. So I tried to be less hard with myself and keep eating healthy but also what I want sometimes. Well, I keep reading that those are times to change into healthy lifestyles and cutting sugar and stuff and I can’t avoid feeling bad because I feel i’m doing the opposite. I feel like i’m getting back to eat bad and relaxing more and I’m scared because I don’t want to go back to those days. I don’t. I want to keep my healthy lifestyle but i also want to be more relax. I want to be healthy without being so perfectionist! I want to just be me and listen to my body and eat sugar if I want and feel ok.
And I guess I need to accept that I still, deep inside of me, I still, have this fear of being fat again. But also I feel this positive energy around me that says that i’m ok and that I will be fine, that I now have myself and that I now have a different mindset which will allow me to stay on track.
Well, that was all. thank you.
Thanks for your comments, Alicia. It’s good to get it out!
I’ve been listening to female rappers all night and this sounded like rap to me 🙂 “Digging and truth seeking because… the past is a ticking time bomb until the fibers are EXPOSED. And it’s a PROCESS.”
I definitely will. Let me percolate:)
Feeling is a strength, for sure, around all that work with the deep past. In a novel I was just reading (The Burgess Boys by Elizabeth Strout, which is also about childhood trauma among other things), one of the characters says ” nothing is ever a long time ago.”
So true!
This speaks to me on a soul level…thank you, friend <3
Cool. Can you say more? Maybe you can help me put into words what I was having trouble putting into words…. No pressure though!