I was watching a TED talk video (never seen one before — really!) on the the Power of Vulnerability and I recognized myself in this video – someone who makes herself vulnerable, but also someone with a lot of shame. Shame was a big topic in this talk. And it changed the course of my afternoon.
I’m pretty sure that Rex Bills gives “shame” to Saturn but I feel it in Saturn and Pluto both. And I started to wonder if this is something you’ve tracked in your own life and chart, and how it would feel to talk about it — because shame thrives in secrecy.
Basically, I think, the more shame you feel, the less you reach out (the speaker in the video was talking about “connection”) and the less you’ll even seek comfort for your shame — give it light, air. Sometimes we don’t even realize that THIS is the underpinning of feeling bad.
Shame for being sick, physically or mentally. Body shame. Career shame. Procrastination shame. No health insurance shame. I’m such and such age and look at where I am shame. Alone shame. Divorced shame. Bad mother shame. Jealousy shame. Can’t make up my mind shame. Hate myself shame. Hate others shame. There are no limits. We can feel shame about virtually anything so it seems. We are human.
No answers today, just this revelation and wondering if you connect it to Saturn or Pluto in your chart.
I have Venus square Saturn (a hard aspect) so anything having to do with beauty (Venus) or the body (Venus) is a source of shame for me. Pluto in the 1st House – I think everyone can see me, see ALL my Pluto (Pluto rules that which is disgusting, taboo). Every time a man sees me as Venus, up comes that shame, that Saturn. And yet I have a brave history in love – foolish almost.
With Saturn in Scorpio (retrograde now) we can uncover (Scorpio) more and more of this, be free of some of this shame. As I was writing above, expose it. Be gentle though. And with shame in particular, I think, even awareness of its existence is the key. Then you can be proud of it. Yes proud. Make a story of it. A badge of honor. Wear your scars proudly. Your imperfections proudly. Rather than it be a secret, even to yourself, that you’re walking around hiding (your face, your body, your personality) and you don’t even know why.
P.S. Look at your natal Chiron too
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