My friend Lyone suggested the word “rebirth” but I told her no and described it more (like being the only one left after the nuclear holocaust and reminding me of various scenes from LOST, slow, quiet, time expanding, end of the world feeling) and she said I sounded like a survivor. I think that’s it.
On the outside things appear the same in a sense: eating, drinking, bodily functions, sleeping, working, bills, taking care of the animals, exercising, routine, schedule, television, music, cleaning, but everything is different now. There was a sharp knife. There was a sharp knife that made a cut down through the body of my life.
I remember when my mother died I also had a then/now feeling but this is different.
Another feeling — noticing everything. Not in the sense of Virgoan picky detail – more like – there is more space in me and around me. My focus has improved. That’s what it is. Suddenly I can read again, focus. I’m not looking to be distracted either. And I hear the sound of the ceiling fan flapping. And the Neil Young I’m listening to and it’s really quiet out there for a Saturday afternoon (hope it stays!) and I don’t know what next. I get occasional impulses. Occasional fear. Occasional sobs. My Cancer Sun/Moon Pluto in Virgo conjunction tends to process intense emotions pretty quickly as long as I can enter them. Stillness.
if you have the courage to stay by what you value, things will unfold like the lotus blossoms, renew and regenerate themselves or allow you to move in new directions that you value… and you are able to see things more clearly; and able to honor your vision…
I think of the Seven of Wands as … more work to be done but you will win. Keyword: valor.
And then I drew the Chariot in response to this feeling that I’m having. Looks like I may be leaving the mountaintop sooner than I think…
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