Cancers retain memory like water. They get THE BLOAT. They hold grudges. Sometimes I’ll slip up and forget that less than savory thing you said or did and then I get burned again but I think that’s more due to my Neptune problems.
It took me years to REMEMBER that I couldn’t be around my Grandmother. Couldn’t change her. Couldn’t make her a loving person. Couldn’t make her… the mother I needed after my mother died.
Yesterday on the phone with my sister I brought up my Grandmother. My sister (with her Mercury Saturn opposition – not the most sensitive of placements) laughed, suggesting I needed to get over that one. I wasn’t bringing it up out of… fraught-ness. Simply another example of family I had tried with, tried to be close to. If a puppy snuggles up against you, you don’t ignore the puppy. You snuggle back. I have a Moon Pluto conjunction. I need the feeling, the energy, to come back to me. Oh that MoonPluto so demanding!
I also have an 11th House stellium, Sun, Mercury, and Mars in Cancer. Friends were always my family. My actual family? I had to go father out (second cousins) to find heart and support. I’m particularly close to one of those cousins. I wrote her the other day: I think I was hatched. Me too she said.
By the way, I don’t tell these stories for any other reason than… well.. I’m a blogger but also because you may feel the same and you may feel horrible or like a freak because your family experience was not all warm fuzzy Hallmarky. It’s taboo. It’s taboo to admit… something different. It’s taboo to express feelings in public, especially ugly ones like anger. Or contradictory feelings. Love and hate. Or indifference. Or shame.
Cancer takes things personally which can lead to hurt feelings but I wouldn’t change it. I know that who I am and what I do has value. I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve helped in part due to this much maligned sensitivity but I know that emotional intensity is a strength and not a weakness. I tried to explain this to my Scorpio friend. He wasn’t convinced.
And when I write posts like I this I always feel it will be “bad for business” but I have to do it anyway. I have to make sure you know that you aren’t alone.