Damn. There is a quote or line of poetry I’ve got in mind…
Oh yes. Now I remember. From Anne Sexton.
Live or die, but don’t poison everything.
Is this the way out? Through poetry? Hello old friend…
I can barely contain how I feel. It depends on the day. A short list of my long-term transits for the astro-lovers reading this who know what’s what:
Pluto square Chiron
Pluto opposition Sun
Uranus square Sun
Saturn opposition Saturn
Saturn square Venus
Neptune on the Descendent/North Node square the MC
Jupiter through my 12th
I write THESE blog posts because I know people can relate. From their own pain, they relate.
But particularly I want to talk about Pluto transiting the 5th House because I am noticing how OBSESSED I am with my relationship and with sex — obsessed with ACHIEVING Pluto in the 5th House.
Think about that for a moment: achieving Pluto in the 5th House status. It is not sustainable. You’ll ground yourself into a fine powder. Or blow up. Or go crazy. And it’s not conscious until you consciously realize of course what is happening. Then and only then can you find solid ground. Pluto is in Capricorn. For the first time I am realizing the grace of this. We have solid ground under the shifting drama and intensity of Pluto. Our bones are strong ultimately despite Uranus shaking the rafters.
Do I need to run through the Pluto keywords for you? It suddenly dawned on me today: that when I’m not working and focusing on other people, my work, those Pluto in the 5th House areas of life are my entire world. In other words, I’ve disappeared.
Here lies an EFFORT to discover what else Pluto in the 5th House can mean and I’ve written about this some — but I need to explore anew. One may even think that having the love object present would HELP alleviate the pain of desire but honestly in some ways it just makes it worse. The longing doesn’t stop. Unless you, well, unless you consciously try to wear it out, and sleep comes, and the end of a long f**k-filled evening reaches its conclusion. But then it comes back. The next day. The head you lopped off grew back. The c**k you wore out is presently inert but can be roused again. There is always MORE. With Pluto there is always MORE — more drama, more intensity, constantly going under the waves and under the waves and under the waves and bobbing back up with some new fish for all to look at. Bringing back truth and psychoanalysis and trauma and triggers relentlessly and ruthlessly. And lots of looking out windows, Bergmanesque, and no self-consciousness at all, none.
Virgo Risings LISTEN TO ME: fall in love at your own risk. You may think this transit will be kind to you (nah – no one thinks that!) and yes you will have ample opportunity to dance with the devil in the pale moonlight, but if you DO NOT discover/rediscover CREATION (unrelated to love, sex, another person) you will become poison. I am becoming poison. What is the antidote to poison? Readers, I bring you homeopathy: the poison is the cure, so to speak. You cannot WISH your Pluto transit away. You have no choice but to enter. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MAKE ART. Observation takes effort. Like I did today. Like I told my husband the shocking realization (because I hadn’t put it so plainly and clearly yet, I hadn’t gone outside myself yet): that I could think of nothing and no one else but him and our relationship. No escape.
Note to self and others: (and some of this still feels hollow to me. I need new suggestions. Give me time and I’ll find them)
Take the pain and do something with it. Don’t just sit there. Unless sitting there is part of your plan.
How we contain what we feel, how we work with Pluto, how we work with Pluto through the 5th House:
by creating a container. But the container has these little holes so the feelings, the pain, can seep out and then water… water the seeds. What is that you say? You have no seeds currently? Same here. You lost them. Threw them away. Set them on fire. Abandoned them. Ate them. Hated them. You stepped on them over and over and over.
But the act of watering in and of itself means you are choosing the LIVE side of Anne Sexton’s equation.
I know. It’s a lot. I was going to end this blog post with this:
Do the one thing that will help alleviate. Even if you have to do it over and over. I do hope it’s healthy though. You know me. I don’t want you drinking and drugging. That’s Neptune anyway and we are talking Pluto. Birth and death and rebirth. What needs to be destroyed and then reborn/rebuilt in you?
But frankly I don’t buy it. The messages of HOPE have to get deeper around here. There is MORE than needs to be said here. Other solutions. Don’t know what they are yet. But I’ll be back. I can tell you this though — what Pluto needs the most? Reassurance. That the poison is the cure.
The TAROT class is going to be AMAZING. If you want in, message me for details and cost.