I was never into drugs, but I’ve always loved drug movies and am watching High Art, a movie I love. I saw it when it came out and then found it on Netflix streaming a couple weeks ago. This evening I find myself under the weather and needing to do next to nothing so am watching it again.
They say the fondness for drugs (when used as escape) is a Neptune problem. Same for movies, also Neptune. And these movies that I love don’t have to be tragedies, although they sometimes are, and truth is I’ve never analyzed why I like what I like. I just do. And, in particular, heroin movies.
Spare me the cocaine party people or anything that makes you up up up. There was a romanticism to heroin and the heroin movies that drew me in. Maybe it has something to do with my childhood crush on Keith Richards (addicted to it for years). And maybe it has something to do with my Pisces descendent or my Venus in the 12th, or my Venus square Neptune. Supposedly I’m supposed to fall for drunks and addicts. It’s in the stars, right? Well, do movies count? They must, in some small way.
Andy Warhol’s Trash, Sid and Nancy, Panic in Needle Park, and Rush to name a few and the more graphic the drug use, the better. And the more lovely the better. If you consider vomiting lovely.
Where do you go for your Neptune? Where’s your Neptuneland? Do you sleep? Do you dream? Imagine yourself in far away places? Float away? Have psychic visions? Have compassion for the world? Love too much? Dream of a life that can’t possibly be real?
Ah, but it is real, little Neptune. In the world of dreams and movies, it is real.
Neptune transits can be insidious. Isabel Hickey wrote that… with Neptune we are supposed to stick with what we know. The chance for delusion is so high (pun unintended). And the inherent pain of Neptune is that when reality comes, it can feel like your bones are breaking, and your heart. I have a Saturn Neptune opposition in my chart so I live this daily, wondering what is real and what is my fantasy. And I hate waking up from the dream.
Howard Sasportas, in the book I’m reading, tells a story about Hickey, who he studied with, that when she saw someone with a heavy Neptune/Pisces signature in their chart, she would tell them “Serve or suffer,” and send them on their way 🙂
So this evening I am pondering this, how to turn it around in my own chart. How to use my Neptune better. And the first thing I think of is: dream dreams that have nothing to do with anyone else. Dream dreams that take only me to fulfill. And already I can feel it, that I’m sliding too much into Saturn. Always balancing that opposition. Serve or suffer. Serve and suffer. We need both. We need the dream and we need to make it real.
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