I am not sure it is possible to leave the Guilt/Redemption cycle once and for all — unless you avoid those people, eliminate them from your life. The people with whom you have these tragic tasty interactions. Why tasty? There is always a masochism inherent in Neptune – thus you must explore your masochism too.
I have a friend taking DBT classes and she reminded me of the phrase “radical acceptance.” God, I do remember this because I took DBT classes some 20 years ago. Skills groups. Neptune people may also need to practice radical elimination. Sounds like a laxative 😉
Radical Elimination — in other words: BOUNDARIES: who is good for you vs. who is not good for you. And if you have to deal with a boundary crusher… how to keep yourself safe from harm.
Truth: you don’t need to be redeemed — because you are fine as you are.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
You don’t need to sacrifice anymore. (Sacrifice = accepting blame or punishment for what is not your fault).
And you never had to in the first place. It was your environment that created these feelings. It felt easier/less terrifying to believe it was all YOUR fault. That you had some control over your life. This was easier to take — than to believe your caretakers were responsible. Because that would mean… you were alone in the world. But it was a burden that wasn’t yours. And they were more than happy to make sure you took the burden. But you don’t need to be atoned. Because you did nothing wrong except internalize their neglect/abuse of you which is what you had to do — to not go insane, to not split.
Neptune person needs to hear these things. Lather, rinse, repeat. I have Venus in the 12th House. Venus square Neptune. Neptune ruling my descendent. Neptune and Chiron in my 7th House by transit. The life of service (or love) can turn sick.
You sacrifice: you give too much because it’s your nature.
Then you realize you gave too much — someone took advantage (a common dynamic) and pretends it’s not happening.
So you start to give less or try to give less — which can make them angry. You took their candy away. They try to pull you back in.
And/or you get angry at yourself/them —
And then feel guilty for feeling angry (the other person felt uncomfortable by your anger). You are internalizing their temper tantrum.
So then you self sacrifice AGAIN and the cycle continues and you sacrifice more and more and more until there is nothing left of you. You are now smoke.
If you see yourself in these words, please pull yourself back today. Find a therapist and get your life back. And if you aren’t the therapy-type, then at the very least:
-talk to supportive friends
-trust yourself. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t wrong. You had every right to be mad. In fact, it shows your strength that you FOUGHT THEM every step of the way when they kept taking from you.
Also, there is nothing wrong with anger. It’s a feeling. Feelings are nothing to be ashamed of.
Remember my mantra from the video the other day:
I forgive you I forgive you I forgive you (directed towards YOURSELF).
Look to where transiting Neptune is to see where you may be exhibiting signs of:
-giving up and giving in
-letting yourSELF down
And start to build your boundaries back up.