This was one of my first blog posts here…
I find this topic hard to talk about, which makes me want to talk about it even more. Somewhat. Transiting Uranus in opposition to natal Uranus is one of those famous mid-life transits and I’m just about there. But where it takes me is to the body, my body, and its changes.
Last night I asked my boyfriend (am I too old to use the word “boyfriend?”) if he would still love me if my breasts disappeared. Disappeared because I’ve embarked on a major food change and my treasured Cancerian boobage will no doubt be the first to lay down. 40-year old breasts that have been subjected to almost 30 years of exercise and losing weight and gaining weight and losing weight. These are their last days of beauty, although not unpleasant to the touch. I’ve written before about Venus square Saturn, and the ugliness complex, and the self-critical Virgo eye. Well, being self-critical doesn’t mean it’s not true.
So what’s hard to talk about isn’t aging per se, but about the End of Beauty, beauty that I never really had, never really felt, in the first place. Again, Venus square Saturn.
Of course (returning to my original point) there was only one right answer to the question I asked the boyfriend and he passed the unintentional test but the change remains and the body continues. And sure, men have their own changes to cope with, grey hair and such, Viagra needs, but I believe what I speak of here, the end of beauty, is a singularly female experience, and a painful one.
If women aren’t their bodies and their beauty, what are they? Who are they? What remains? Yes, I know I am speaking from the point of view of a t-squared Venus but these rhetorical questions matter. We must… figure out how to be as we age.
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