I am using charged language here on purpose:
FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT.
Because that’s what I hear in my head sometimes. That’s what many women (and men) hear in their heads. Sometimes.
And I’ve got Mars, PASSION, in the sign of Cancer, FOOD, square Jupiter EXCESS. The square is the tension. The square is the inner-argument. The square and the Jupiter is the excess.
Mars is about to turn Direct and I just realized today at the gym that I gained 10 lbs.
“Realized” meaning I weighed myself. Oy.
Over half a year or so (can’t remember how long it took) I’d lost 30 lbs on a low-carb regime and then slowly gained 10 back when I added in a few more carbs, to normalize.
Then Mars entered Virgo and BOOM I joined a gym and eventually I decided on an experiment to see whether I could eat carbs like I used to and not gain weight.
Dear Reader: I can’t.
My genetics forbid it. That is, if I want to maintain a “healthy” weight. I’m not talking extreme, I’m not talking anorexia. I’m talking about having a NECK.
Do I sound harsh? Mars is most definitely in Virgo and Virgo gets nailed for being too critical, of self and sometimes of others.
I’m sharing this because I know the “problem” is not unique. Because I’m often the one pointing out to women how beautiful they are. And yet I can’t see it in myself.
And I was on the phone with a friend that I haven’t talked to in a long time and we were talking about this topic and then she said what I was thinking.
She said “Do you really HAVE to do ANYTHING?” Meaning, maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it was good.
I don’t want to debate the point. I’m aware of the health risks of my being heavier. And I’m aware that jogging or running with a bigger ass and tummy, no matter how sexy they are, feels uncomfortable.
But I want to leave this post with that moment with my friend because it was a beautiful moment. My friend suggesting that maybe just maybe I am fine just the way I am right now, that nothing needed to be FIXED i.e. no Virgo was needed.
Time for a regime change? But which one…