Oh man the feelings I’m dealing with today. Intense, triggering stuff. Perfect for blogging! (Oy.)
Telling a Cancer/Virgo person that they can’t help you is harsh to them especially if you love them and they love you and there’s nothing you can do. Helpless.
Feelings are not rational, right? But they are. They exist.
See, it’s like this: my father died and I couldn’t help. My mother died and I couldn’t help. Those deaths were sudden; there was no time to get there. Grandmother, grandfather. Everyone dies and I can never help. Always too far away. And now this friend needs help but it’s not going to be me and this hurts. Call me selfish. Not that I’m thinking this through. It’s just how it feels.
Cancer is the Mother. Whoever I love is my baby and if I can’t take care of them? I cry. And I am not going to slam myself for self-pity today (see my previous post). Instead I’ll feel the depth of this feeling without any shame because this… is who I am. And anyway tears are holy.
Sorry for the downer post y’all, but I’m sure some of you can relate.