I can’t always contain what I feel.
Spent half the day freaking out about identity theft. Apparently I fell for an Internet “scam.” My husband, the logical optimistic Sagittarius thinks all will be well but I spent a few hours in tizzy land. Low blood sugar. I had been cleaning my desk. SO MANY PAPERS. And then noticed an important identity card was missing and sought to get a new one and… Long Story Short: UGH.
Mercury is already in its shadow period. I usually don’t have a problem with Mercury retrograde. I’m not sure what this is. My Saturn opposition? Pluto and Uranus inching closer to aspecting my Sun in hard angle? After a Chinese-food dinner, I find my footing.
So today a friend told me that my life reminded her of a Martha Graham dance. I thought she meant Appalachian Spring. But the one she meant is called Errand into the Maze and I haven’t watched it yet although I have it loaded and ready to go.
And she said this to me: “Your emotional life and manifestation of creativity “feels” to me like this… and Martha Graham in general—very visceral, physical, somewhat tortured, but coming from the core in handling it.”
We were talking about relationships too and she saw the up-side of an intense one (me) being with a happy fire centaur creature (my husband).
So I asked her: what can a happy fire centaur creature DO FOR ME? Ha!
And she doesn’t know astrology much but she used astro-terms such as balance (Libra keyword). Husband has Mars in his 7th House, which is the Libra/relationship house. Has he come here to bring me peace? To suture the ripped fabric of my… self? Harmony. Peace. Mars is transiting Libra until July this year. We are RAGING FOR PEACE.
I went into the living room and asked him: Who Are You? He gave me his name, date of birth, and something about the Treaty of Ottawa 😉
And then I asked him: do you bring me peace? That was how I would know. I needed (wanted) him to tell me.
There is a difference between my vital creative artist’s life, my imagination and my inspiration and… him. I did not create him. He exists on his own, before me and around me and after me. My point is that… to the young women and men out there who may be pining over love — that’s YOUR nature exploding with desire inside you. The muse inspires YES but it’s YOU. Yours to take with you, to do what you want with.
I asked her again: what does love and balance have to offer ME, the MoonPluto person?
Benevolence she said. Goodness she said. Nurturing she said. Depth she said. And then she hit on a word I love: CULTIVATION. Calming the Deep Blue. (And later now, I realize all the other things she was saying to me — about artists not “recognizing” balance.)
But back to my earlier point: when you sit alone in your room, listening to music, crying, walking for the train, wondering what your art is, wondering who will love you the way you want to be loved… all of that beautiful dreamer is YOU. And when you find your love, when you find true love, he or she may not reflect that back exactly as you thought it must be. They may give you something entirely different, which you do not recognize, but that you need, to make you whole (again).
Stay open, young lovers. Stay open. There is much to be done. And life is short. Every day is a choice — and with Mars in Libra I suggest you ask yourself: what are you fighting for? And who are you fighting?
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