For a few weeks I felt my Cleo so intensely I couldn’t stop crying.
Maybe it wasn’t a few weeks. Maybe it was a few days? A week? Ten days? I’m not sure.
I lost track and it was constant throughout the day. I would work as usual, best I could. Work was helpful actually, helpful distraction because it took all my brain and I could be completely distracted but then I would go to the store or think I saw her in the apartment or I would see Goldy and I would just fall apart.
Then I discovered that amazing pet medium on YouTube and then I also spent a day visiting various animal shelters to possibly get another cat and then…
Something happened. The very next day. It was 100% and distinct. And now I am not crying all day and sometimes I forget to think about her and this transition is WEIRD. Because I went from being torn to shreds to “normal life.” I am confused by this so that’s why I am writing about it. I write to think things through. Now my Cleo is pictures. It’s just so very dramatic how it went from searing pain to… okay now what has to be done to mend my life.
It is no coincidence. Clearly something shifted. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for your (anyone’s) theory on what happened. I think out loud to make sense of things even though I know I run the risk of being the recipient of armchair spiritualists.
I will figure it out. I. I will know. I will seek and I will know and I will share it once I know it.
I think she is where Kitty is now, whatever that place is, because Kitty also feels like… there’s no searing pain. It’s the weirdest feeling. I wish I could describe it. Like my heart went from broken and bleeding to sewn up, in an instant. Ramen heart.
So now, oddly enough, I am mourning the absence of the pain in a way because…well.. where did it go? Although I admit it was impossible to continue with that. It was so painful I would have been rendered senseless and useless. Maybe I got out every last tear. I was So deep in grief and then like a switch it turned off and I got back to the living. She has travelled a long distance.
In its place however I am thinking a lot about my horrific childhood and my survival is owed to… I’m not sure who.
WANT TO TALK ASTROLOGY? 🙂
So maybe Cleo’s death did create a vacuum, space in my life – for what? for who?
New Moon Eclipse on my 7th House cusp. NEW. SOLAR. PISCES. LIFE.
Where will the Eclipse be for you? Are you ready to be done with so much Virgo/Pisces? How do you feel about Leo/Aquarius?
I’m thinking about that Madonna song “Express Yourself.” Is that not Leo’s theme? You’ve sacrificed long enough.
PS Working with me is easy. Just send me an email moonpluto@gmail and we’ll set something up.