All these Full Moon in Scorpio posts that I’ve been obsessively writing… I’ve had it in mind that I would receive news… from outside myself.
News about work perhaps, an opportunity. The Full Moon trines my Sun and Progressed MC. That felt special 😉
But instead what’s happened, I realize, as the Moon approaches Fullness, is that I AM THE ONE with the News. And the news is first and foremost for me.
You’ve seen When Harry Met Sally, right? And they argue about whether a man and woman can be friends without sex getting in the way. Well, I’m the naive one who thinks it’s possible. Thought it was possible. I’m going through this with a friend now. Our Suns are conjunct but our charts have some killer synastry and I don’t mean that in a good way. His Venus Saturn opposition squares my Moon and Pluto in Virgo.
I wonder if I’ve lost my friend today because I had to draw a line. Set a boundary.
I have Virgo Rising which means I have Pisces on my 7th House cusp and yup, you guessed it, transiting Chiron and Neptune are hanging out there too. And my North Node.
Boundaries. People get angry, or worse, when you set them. When you tell them “no” I can’t be your best friend, your fuck buddy, your reason for your misery.
When you take yourself out of their equation? You better duck. Leave. And find your truth.
As my therapist from 20 or so years ago, Celia, said to me: 1. Show up 2. Find your truth 3. Don’t get attached to results. I may have gotten the order confused though. Or… something. It’s been a while.
Above all? I want to CHOOSE.
Sex for me is… circuitry. I mean… my whole body is wired for it. I mean… it’s sacred. I mean I mean I mean, I feel it everywhere. It’s my soul contract. To get that close to someone. I’m incredibly sensitive. Mars in Cancer. When I have sex when I don’t want to… it’s devastating. Maybe not in the moment, but yes in the moment and I have had sex when I didn’t really want to. Because I was… trying to fulfill someone else’s needs and ignoring my own and then suffering but I decided when this situation came up again that I didn’t want to do it anymore. I didn’t even REALIZE that I did do this. Hello Venus in the 12th House.
And then I began to apply this thinking to other areas of my life: about why sometimes I feel like I have no choice. Mentality of the raped.
So this Full Moon I got some news. From me to me. About what I can no longer do. And I feel sad. A bit worried I may lose this friendship. And I don’t want to hear “oh what kind of friend is that anyway” because life is not black and white. Not for me.
This friend is dealing with his own difficult stuff. The sex thing is the least of his worries. But for me, it’s a big deal. My Mars in Cancer vs. his Moon and Mars in Aries. They want what they want when they want it. And I want sex to be only with true love and desire. Anything less holds no interest and is destructive. Saturn rules my 5th House. Neptune rules my 7th. Mars my 8th. Serious mystical sex.
Learning anything today?