There was this guy. We were dating. In case you are curious, he was Gemini Rising, Sagittarius Sun, Cancer Moon, Mercury in Scorpio, Mars in Sagittarius… I was pretty attracted and yet repulsed by him. His Mars squared my Pluto.
We were on the phone once and he made a comment about how I wasn’t a “go-getter” or maybe I said I was a “go-getter” and he disagreed and I got sooooo mad because there I was STRUGGLING with my own business, working hard, trying to make it work, not knowing how to run my own business, learning as I went along, and feeling FUCK I am a GO-GETTER! I GO AND I GET!
I don’t know what made me think about him just now but it’s like… he didn’t see me, couldn’t see me. And maybe I didn’t, couldn’t see him. We tried to date a few times and the last time I acted badly. I said some things.
I grew into my Virgo planets. I had so much depression (repressed rage? feelings of powerlessness?) for so much of my life and… you can’t WORK when you’re depressed, not really, not normally, not effectively. It’s just a… different way of living. Different landscape.
I’ve only written a little about my depression on the blog and maybe I should write more. I’ve never examined what transits I was under during key years…
Who we TRULY are evolves, it changes. Did I have to cut through wall after wall after wall after wall of depression and defeat before I found my work, my Saturn? Before I found what I could do?
Have you found what you can do?
xo
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4 thoughts on “Depression, Work, And Astrology”
Around my last Solar Return was when the tides regarding my work have changed, and they had not changed for about 7 years – I finally got out of customer service! I’m now working two jobs this year that I can and want to do. I’m hoping they build toward my actual career.
I’ve been looking really closely at all transits, and have noticed every time something exactly aspected my MC recently, another part of me getting my career-like summer job would happen! And the weekend I drive to it has so many aspects related to money, work, and career that it makes me laugh hysterically. I’ve been somewhat cynical about astrology; watching my transits and real-life has finally settled me into no longer really questioning it and just enjoying it!
Also, that Sadge sounds…like he might have put his foot in his mouth, typical Sadge error!
Oh, I know a lot of what I can do. Lots of stuff. (Probably don’t know all of it tho.)
The big question is….
What do I do with it????
This was lovely MP, and very timely. Thanks:)
No, one can’t really do anything when one is depressed. It is as if one has, as they say on the interwebs, “lost the ability to ‘can'”. I’ve never had the ability to ‘can’, and it’s caused me a lot of pain; especially during the Saturn-in-Cancer years, during which Saturn was in my tenth house. During that period, I cycled through so many prospective careers- most of which seem ridiculous to me, now- to no avail. I keep looking to my second house Jupiter in Scorpio, which I like, because it’s Jupiter, and because all of those Scorpio things interest me. So far, though, it’s only manifested professionally in a near-obsessive cleaning out of all of the dark, nasty places at work, and a kind of perverse zeal at doing all of the jobs that everyone else finds unpleasant.