A complaint I hear from clients (and I’m going to put this in my own words) and something I’ve experienced in my own life is when desire is merely received and not returned.
When you are given the High Priestess treatment rather than The Magician 😉 The circuitry is not maintained.
And it’s something you know or something you feel and  people with Venus Neptune in their charts (especially the hard aspects or Venus in the 12th House) keep on offering that desire (at least that’s what they think they are doing) which then turns into sacrifice and pain and woe is me. Oy.
That the man (or woman) just takes it and either… does nothing (acknowledging or not acknowledging) or even, at worst, keeps you prisoner with it. Offering you a distant future in the clouds that looks something like the 7 of Cups. Maybe Baby. When I get my shit together. When I… do this, that, and the other FIRST. Sigh.
Poor Venus Neptune. She’s lived through this before. And before that. Probably lifetimes of it.
(And by the way, this is written from Venus Neptune point of view. I am not here to blame the object of Venus Neptune’s desire but attempting to explain a psychological process.)
Venus Neptune people recognize this problem instantly as pleasure challenge and it takes WORK and consciousness to change this mental heart habit and to begin to seek out YES rather than getting addicted to disappointment and emotional slavery.
There are many variations of this of course. I am feeling this acutely in my own life after having a phone call last night with a Scorpio (high school friend) who years ago (he’s one of those Sun Neptune Venus conjunct people) who talked a big talk (how we were soulmates, meant to be together, would see each other soon) and then went and married someone else. I didn’t even find out until years later.
And this leads me to another topic actually: be kind to your neighborhood Scorpios these days, especially the mid degrees, especially the Scorpio stelliums. Saturn is crushing them right now and this friend of mine also has Libra planets that Pluto in Capricorn is squaring and basically it’s a shitstorm. Worse than a shitstorm. If there was any support in that chart, I couldn’t find it. Except for Jupiter direct making trines to his Libra planets but again that’s a promise that may not deliver. I feel like Job he said. Decimated but still… protected somehow. I know the feeling, I said.
So I’m friends with my Scorpio friend (he’s got Moon in Aquarius, I’ve got an 11th House stellium) but can’t take what he says (concerning me) seriously because his words of love will enter my 12th House and build a garden there that will only die young.
What’s the solution? You, Venus Neptune person, have to become aware of what YOU are doing. Don’t blame the other person too long. Notice when you are waiting hoping longing sacrificing. Unlatch yourself from the boobie of fantasy 🙂
And the other part of it this is… if you are single and don’t want to be single, don’t waste your time anymore with dead flowers.
Try to get your needs met because lord knows they will continue to make you miserable if you don’t.
Funny. I am listening to a Pandora station and Bon Iver is singing “I Can’t Make You Love Me.” Exactly. Venus Neptune keeps trying with her/his Venus Neptune tricks but has victim-mentality so they don’t even realize what they’re doing. Because it hurts so much, they feel they are RIGHT. Get what I’m saying? It’s my most important point here.
Maybe the first step for you is hanging out with your friends or going someplace new or internet dating. Do *something*–
By the way, I’m not saying that the love you are sacrificing yourself for NOW won’t ever work out but put your heart on a timer.  Pay attention to reality. LIVE in reality. Listen to what people say and watch what they do. Believe you can find someone who will echo amplify intensity return your crazy desire 🙂
There’s nothing wrong with you, nothing at all.
xoxo
16 thoughts on “Crazy Desire And The Venus Neptune Lover”
you find me? I am Venus conjunct Neptune in 12th house Scorpio.
I have a Venus-Neptune square, and Venus in Aries. After waiting 4 years for my guy to “get ready for marriage”, I suddenly stopped everything. AFTER he introduced the families and was finally going to take this forward. Because of my Venus in Aries, I have periodically met other guys that interested me and this happened yet again – only that my new guy is able to echo, amplify, intensify my desire for love. So – the question is, now that I realize what it all means to have a Venus-Neptune square and the fact that I was sacrificing my life (in a way) all these years, do I start fresh, or do I learn life’s lessons and apply them to my 4-year relationship which is finally moving forward?
Hi SJ, thanks for your thoughtful comments xoxo
What about the square meaning devious in love, a cheater, especially when Nep-Mars is connected
A beau I know has this conjunction in Scorpio in the second, and with Libra on his ascendant I have observed such painful loss in his experience of personal value. His complex is masked by painful intrigues and victimization where he unconsciously (although sometimes I wonder if he is possibly consciously aware) colludes with situations that almost always end up in power struggles and demoralizing relations: he is always so hurt by others, yet he fails to see how hes always setting himself up for failure. It’s almost as if he wants pain. And on some level, it feeds a very complex scapegoat/outsider/victim mentality.
However, never have I met someone as idealistic with such vision, coupled with depth and intensity of feeling.
Oh Amy!
I can relate with this! Libra is my Ic. And I have Pluto on Virgo, in 2nd H.
I´ve been a scapegoat all my life and have had trouble to understand how I “get the devil out of others”, really. Now, I´m really feeling better. I had to understand that it was me and not-them (all, soooo ugly).
Attending to the Karma course held in Universidad de la Luz (pretty rigid, though very good), there are three types of Karma. It´s all about control, indeed. The first one has to do with the people organizing things. The y end up being extra-super-chiefs. The second one has to do with pain-defense. We end up being these scapegoats. The third has to do with inhibition. They end controlling everyone, just by cashing away and being molested, though silent.
And the good news is that -trascending it- Organizers get to be rational people who lead. Defensive tend to be creative and joyful. And the inhibited ones tend to be the expansionists!
For me, it worked out (though, had to go deep in order to understand the nature of my *pain* -ilussion- and start changing it bit by bit.
Regards!
R.
Wow! I have my Cancer Venus trine my Scorpio Neptune. Before I met my husband I had this kind of relationship argh! Even after I started dating my husband my ex showed up again. His thing was we have something here you can’t deny it. Finally my answer was there can be “something” there all day long but I don’t have to act on it. After over 10 years of yo-yoing I cut the cord. I have to say that when something good is scheduled to happen I am always waiting for it to not happen at the last minute.
Oh man…I see where this all connects. I have Venus in Capricorn too. And Neptune in Scorpio in the 12th. Follow the dots..
Beautiful post Aliza. Venus-Neptune, loving someone who is absent, with fantasy to keep you warm. How do we change this pattern – when someone is present I don’t know what to do (or worse, I run away)! My grasp on it so far is that I/we…Venus-Neptunians have to learn to love differently and right now I don’t know what that kind of loving looks like but I am willing to try and find out! Likely there are links between Venus-Saturn and Venus-Neptune, because surely all of this comes from a place where you haven’t ever felt loved (by those who really counted) and thus feel the need to do ‘all the work’..the work for two. Thanks for reminding me to keep my feet on Saturnian ground. 🙂
Thanks, sophiepiscesmoon 🙂 you bring up new questions: the peeps who flip when the person is there…. OH GOOD POINT. That one person winds up doing the work for two! You are spot-on.
OMG!
MoonPluto! I have an opp. Nept (4th H) and Venus 10th H (MH). And I always get confused about love. I love and they don´t love me back, or viceversa. My choices are ruled by instinct or by head. So, even though stayed in a twenty year relation, at the end did not work and was sad (almost died!). Then, found out that I was also -and not only him- mean to him: critizised, yelling, not loving.
Not in my heart, I would say for me with these kind of angles. And If I add that my V. is conj. my Sun in same house and trines pluto (both, V and S), then you have a perfect suffering ensalada!
I know that I acted as a Persephone and trying to evolve to a Proserpina. And with the foggy sight which I have to be responsable of… having trouble.
I also had an acquarian that played this love you… though not for many years (before and after marriage).
So! For me, Love is still not here and now (and I just don´t like to flirt… I´m more of this sacred love thing. But then, where is that beauty to be found???).
Mhhh! Thankyou for sharing and for making us reflect(again!).
R.
i have a 15 neptune in scorpio (12th) and a 29 venus in capricorn (2nd)….would you consider that too wide for a functioning sextile? otherwise i’m pisces sun conj. jupiter trine neptune in the 12th! some of us just enjoy the big desire and the *not* getting what we “want” … in quotes cuz i’m honesty not sure anymore that i even want anything. sometimes i think to myself… “if i actually got that person/place/thing… what the heck would i do with it anyhow?”
***Caution: possibly rambley tangent*** My Venus in cancer hangs out in my Gem 10th near Chiron (like a well-meaning friend that reminds you how great your outfit was when that other girl wore it last week). Neptune in Cappy (hates being called Cappy) believes that REAL love is worth suffering for. Extreme suffering and self-denial will prove my commitment and I will be rewarded handsomely. I was actually thinking about all of this the second I checked my email and saw your post. It turns out, suffering can lead to more suffering and little else! And no one outside of you feels it or cares (tough but true) because it really is MY/YOUR (never “our”) suffering. The tenth being my career house has been a big theme lately because I’ve always pushed myself ignoring all physical limits and rarely even enjoy sick days because I spend them anxiously worried about how weak I look for taking care of myself. Between bad jobs and worse guys, I’ve racked up a lot in hospital bills and car repairs (idk what rules bad driving) because I thought I could be a heroine for martyrdom. YES to awareness, and YES to putting our real needs ahead of whatever ideal vision we’re holding on to.
I don’t have Venus Neptune but my ex has Venus conj. Neptune in HIS 12th house which is in MY 12th house! It took him 11 years to propose…I waited and waited. Now that we are divorced I am getting sucked in again. I do love him but he is such a victim of himself in a way and he feels pressure whenever I want to try to heal this and move forward that he gets angry and says he has not time for that right now. Same thing he told me before I divorced him….yet he wants to see me five or six days a week. And I go…because I do love him.
Having Venus problems are the worst. I’ve got Venus square Neptune and no one I’ve liked has ever liked me back. o.o I had a situation where I did like someone and was TOLD that we could be together after their shit was handled. Not only did it NOT happen, but our relationship just generally deteriorated into a blaze of asshole-ish (completely on his part). And then, a year later, he wants to be “friends with benefits” (No), calls me a bitch then a few months later apologizes via a FB message.
I know I’m not a very appealing person, but jeez that shit sucked!
My new response to my Venus squares is to just ignore it. I figure if no one wants to be with me I’ll just focus on other aspects of my life. Which seems to be working, more or less. Not having any kind of appeal makes it easy to fixate on bettering my work life!
Tatiana, I am certain you have your appeal! That’s also your Venus Neptune, that you cannot see that….. But I know what you mean….