Sometimes you have to wait a really long time for what you want, and I don’t know why this is. It’s a mystery larger than I can understand. There’s that word again: the ineffable.
When I think about mystery and longing for something, desire, I remember this song (click here) from Peter Greenaway’s movie, Drowning By Numbers.
It brings me back to my college days and the small art-house theatre, where I saw the movie, and the mad crush I had on the film theory graduate student. He had short dark hair and little glasses. I was an undergraduate and also into film theory, but poetry too.
I don’t know why I chose him or where I met him. He was easily ten years older. I’ll never forget our first kiss, what a gentleman he was, how he stirred me with his mouth and how respectful, touching nothing. Getting close but not getting there.
What did I know of love? What did I know of men?
All I had to offer was my sex, my 8th House, my silence. I mean, I didn’t know how to talk (Mercury in Cancer) and the 8th House is Scorpio is quiet intensity brooding sexual. I was all locked up. Sex was my communication, my struggle to speak, to be intimate. But… it doesn’t work that way for men. I mean, I gave it away. I only wanted to be close. It never worked.
As I was waiting for a train today and finishing this post I also began to think about Venus in the 12th House (a jailer just like Chiron) and how after half a lifetime of Venus 12th House issues, the Get Out Of Jail Free Card from Monopoly should just… appear in your hand, as you step out into the new day.
Contact Me to talk about your Chiron