We are talking about Chiron on the message board so I did a Google search and found myself 🙂 this is from the Archives
Sometimes you have to wait a really long time for what you want, and I don’t know why this is. It’s a mystery larger than I can understand. There’s that word again: the ineffable.
When I think about mystery and longing for something, desire, I remember this song (click here) from Peter Greenaway’s movie, Drowning By Numbers.
It brings me back to my college days and the small art-house theatre, where I saw the movie, and the mad crush I had on the film theory graduate student. He had short dark hair and little glasses. I was an undergraduate and also into film theory, but poetry too.
I don’t know why I chose him or where I met him. He was easily ten years older. I’ll never forget our first kiss, what a gentleman he was, how he stirred me with his mouth and how respectful, touching nothing. Getting close but not getting there.
What did I know of love? What did I know of men?
All I had to offer was my sex, my 8th House, my silence. I mean, I didn’t know how to talk (Mercury in Cancer) and the 8th House is Scorpio is quiet intensity brooding sexual. I was all locked up. Sex was my communication, my struggle to speak, to be intimate. But… it doesn’t work that way for men. I mean, I gave it away. I only wanted to be close. It never worked.
As I was waiting for a train today and finishing this post I also began to think aboutVenus in the 12th House (a jailer just like Chiron) and how after half a lifetime ofVenus 12th House issues, the Get Out Of Jail Free Card from Monopoly should just… appear in your hand, as you step out into the new day.