Actually I was already “awake” but hadn’t gotten up yet.
Was enjoying the grey cat who came to visit me as I continued to rest.
Our pets are reality, reminders: feed me, love me. I know how to love you back.
And I don’t know if “gift” is the right word but what I mean is that I am grateful for the Saturn–function in my life.
That when I eventually pull aside the Neptune veil and see things as they are… I feel like myself again.
But I have a Saturn Neptune opposition in my chart. Both sides feel real. Are real. But one side isn’t real enough for me.
Here’s an example. I had to say goodbye to someone. It was a long-distance relationship. Too much Neptune (fantasy). Not enough reality (Saturn).
And I remembered a time, last year, when I had no money and I do mean NO money. Sure, more money would be coming in a week later (or whenever, I forget) but I had no money and yet I had the desire, impulse, to send a present to this person and I spent my last $30 dollars to send this person his favorite this, that, and the other. Don’t worry, I didn’t TELL him that I did this, that I spent my last 30.
My love, my Neptune (higher octave of Venus) felt SO GOOD to look for him, to buy for him, send to him, give to him, have him in my thoughts as I touched and packed each thing lovingly to send across the miles. That’s the way I love. Venus in the 12th House. Love has no boundaries. These mundane things that I was sending… it felt like I was sending diamonds. Sending my spirit. Something priceless.
My mother was similar. She showed her love in the little things she’d send. And notice: it’s PHYSICAL. I packed my love in the things.
So the veil parts. The relationship was mostly reality-free and I tried over the months to let it dissolve (Neptune) and I was unable to let it dissolve. It wouldn’t stop growing in me. A tree of life. But the reality was missing.
Ultimately the constant Saturn reality check saved (Neptune) me. I would flip between hope (Neptune) and limitation (Saturn). And a desperate (Moon conjunct Pluto) desire for daily life with my love.
The best detail I left out here is the one where I tell you that both Neptune and Saturn square my love nature, my Venus.
Saturn has set me free (Neptune). Now this is not a condemnation of long-distance relationships or even of the person in question but I have so much earth in my chart (oh man the elements are CRUCIAL) and sensitivity AND reality that…. Well, let me put it this way: if you are in a relationship and it is always scraping your vulnerable spots rather than making you stronger, then you know, you know.
Sometimes I think about taking out a personal ad on my own blog, but I don’t think I’m at that point yet 😉