Bad Venus And The Monster Within

"Saturn Chiron Conjunction"
Love

My boyfriend’s Saturn Chiron conjunction conjuncts my descendent. And North Node. Yes, you heard me right. Anyone else would, perhaps, leave town. Leave the country. Jump in front of a speeding #7 train. But not me. I’m Venus Neptune girl. I’m Venus Saturn girl. I’m Venus Jupiter girl. Square, Square, and Sextile. My Venus is busy with the outer planets, the big story. The ecstasy and the agony. And the love.

And I will not give up until I find out the truth of Saturn Chiron on my descendent. Is it hot or cold? Hurting or healing? Blocking or sealing?

When we fight, when we come up against a misunderstanding, I feel all our synastry at once. I feel the Mars opposition, I feel the Cancer pile-up which is a mother’s love (Hello Freud), I feel the electric Venus Uranus trine, and I feel Saturn Chiron. And everything else that lives and breeds between the two charts.Β 

But Saturn isn’t only a limitation and Chiron isn’t only a wound that can’t be healed. Saturn stabilizes. Saturn commits. Saturn is responsible. To what? On the 7th? To the other. And Chiron? Aw, fuck Chiron. I have Chiron in my 8th House so I do fuck Chiron but my point is that dealing with this man sometimes brings up my deepest bumpiest itchiest woundiest bloodiest insecurity. How? By him loving what I find so abhorrent. And sometimes you don’t realize how much self-hatred is there, has been there, until it is challenged, until someone else confronts your every no with a yes.

A Virgo Moon nightmare: you will never be perfect. A life bears the scars of a life, inside and outside.

But listen: Venus Pluto can go beyond control(ling). And Venus Neptune can go above masochism. And Venus Saturn can learn to love. And Venus Uranus can settle down πŸ™‚ Really. There’s hope.

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