Thinking about power, powerlessness, childhood. How our feelings of powerlessness originate in childhood. I said to some of the ladies in the chat room: I had no idea. No one ever told me. How could they? Why would they? And maybe they were afraid. They were powerless themselves.
So we (some of us) spend our grown up years trying to get back there – back to what is ours but what was denied or taken. And if only we KNEW. Had known. If only. IF ONLY SOMEONE HAD TOLD US. That we were golden wellspring magical amazing. Enough people tell you and you start to listen. You start to hear.
I feel so happy right now. I want to scream it from the rooftop. I don’t even know what I would scream. But what I feel is… free. And no I didn’t win the lottery. I’m not off on any great adventure today except THIS ONE — talking to you here. One cat on the bed. One blanket fresh and clean from the laundromat. Nothing perfect. Nothing settled. But CLARITY is here. And she is REALLY cool 🙂
This was also on my mind: why it’s so damn hard for some people to RECEIVE something good, to receive a gift. How they always feel they have to pay back and pay back double triple.
So that’s what’s for dinner at the Aliza cafe 🙂 a discussion of powerlessness, childhood, being a grown up, and the capacity to RECEIVE. Take a seat at the table 🙂
Uranus and Pluto will square ONE MORE TIME, on March 16th. They will still remain buddies for a bit (remind me I’ll check my book for how many months they are still close together) but one more exact square.
A cycle is ending. And it’s actually been a whole lot worse than you were willing to admit or see. Maybe. Denial can be helpful like that. Until it’s not. I mean, you weren’t blaming the Uranus Pluto square perhaps because you were SO DEEP IN IT, but you probably should have. If you aren’t feeling that clarity then please WAKE UP and revisit your Capricorn and Aries Houses. And if you feel terrified to look, then look anyway. If you are afraid you’ve made a mess of your life, then look anyway. Mourn if you must. These cycles were larger and more powerful than any of us. I’m so sorry.
If you fail this test… if you fail this test, well… I don’t know who is going to be able to guard the door for you. Please don’t fail this test. Please look. It’s that simple.
I’m just going to assume all y’all are in a better place. Or heading there real soon now. Even if death. Even if loss. Even if dark night soul night. If you are reading this, count yourself in.